you're my sweetest addiction

2009-12-26T02:53:00.002+08:00

CHRISTMAS!!!

Best christmas I have ever had so far. Although I got to work in the morning till evening, but manage to spend the rest of the day with baby! Loves! I've got lots of surprises from baby today. Haha. Got my headset which is of limited colour from baby but its one that nobody else have cause it has got my name on it!!! Thanks baby.! Walked around Marina and shop around for gifts for my two sister and off to O'Learys for dinner. Nice nice tenderloin steak I have. Haha. I thought my surprise would have ended with the christmas present and nice dinner and walking around Singapore Flyer, but baby actually bought me Flyer's ticket!!! Trick me to go upstairs see see and still lie to me ask me to queue for the flight without tickets. But im quite dumb and baby manage to make me believe him saying that we will buy the tickets later uh. Haha. Dumb me. Lol. But anyway had a very great day out cause it was just so well prepared by baby!!! Thanks baby! I love you!

*saw this hoodie at Zara while shopping today and it feels so comfortable!!! I want mama to get it for me!!! or... will anyone buy it for me??? HAHA!

baby i love you and i'll never let you go... I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!

2009-10-13T00:45:00.003+08:00

long time since i last updated my blog...
anw time for me to grumble and complain...
not abt school although im quite stress up now with all the new modules and the changing of class everyday...
well... you are just not the typical bf tht every girl wants... and whtever you do not like or want to do is just what a typical bf shld have done...
for the least to be able to love their gf much much more...
its not that i wanna compare you with the other guys..
but that is how its suppose to be like..
take it, learn it, apply it...
leave it, heck care and you will lose everything.
im quite serious about that...
i need a bf who will try to talk things out with me when im angry, wouldn't just ignore me and let things be the way it is...
when im sad try to cheer me up and make me laugh... or just keep quiet and lend me your shoulders for me to cry...
when im really stressed give me possible, reasonable solutions and not some retarded idea...
when im really busy try to fork out some time to fetch me from school or work...
thats the least you could have done... but you did none..
yea fetch me from school like what once in a dunno how many months...
oh pls...
always giving empty promises and busy with things that are seriously seeing no future in it...
its not that i dun wanna talk to you...
but we dun have a similar topic...
you go to whtever temple which i don't and i go to school which you don't...
or you telling me i shld quit school and always go ard to all the temples so that we have a common topic? and then next time i will be at the roadside sweeping the road... how interesting...
you say that all these things is boring, very sian...
but you still go wht... still say until as if it is so bloddy f-ing interesting wht... so i really dun see which part of it is boring or sian for you...
and dun want to go... leg is yours, body is yours... you don't want to go ppl will take knife or gun point at you meh... no wht...
den obviously you have the right to choose whether you want or not wht... since its like that then why didnt you do so..
cause i cnnt understand your situation right..
i know..
thats what you always say wht...
but the past few sentence all you teach me one sia..
why so contradicting..
lol.
no hugs, no kisses, no love... den wht are bf for?
i know will only hug me at home mah...
wht era wht century liaos... still at home lei... wlaos...

Anyway, lastly, my korkor... thx for rushing down to find me once i called you crying. im sorry to have made you worried eh. promise there wont be a next time. im really glad to see you when i needed someone beside me. Thanks! (: you truly made me feel better.

2009-09-12T23:33:00.002+08:00

I just suspect tht I am suffering from depression...
LOL.
my family is so screwed... Dad is a hopeless piece of shyt...
He is one bloody bastard who is so irritating...
Momma... scolds me when she is in a bad mood when i nvr do anything wrong...
Scolds and blame me when Dad does something wrong or pissed off...
what has all those got to do with me?
Im so bloody innocent, i mean all those things that she scold me for has got nth to do with me...
and bf...
its just getting more and more difficult for me to communicate with him...
can someb0ody help me???
Momma!
just stop irritating me about bf alrights..
give me a break...
i know he is good for nothing, lazy and always dun want to work...
i know you are asking me to leave him for my own good...
i know because you find tht he dun care for me, he dunno how to be nice to me and don't know how to love me...
but can you just stop...
this is just making me very tired...
i also tried to leave him ah...
not like i never...
but i can't wht...
I know alot of ppl say not worth it...
cause i can find much better guys...
but i just can't do it ah...
no matter how much i hate him, how angry and sad am i with him...
still can't ah...
I really tried le...
I really tried my very best le...
I tried to change him to treat me better but it just doesnt work ah..
let me hurt myself and i will leave him kaes...
let me kill myself...

2009-09-11T23:58:00.002+08:00

Long time since i last blogged...
well...
im blogging because I have no where to vent my anger on...
dammit...
why is some people just so irritating...
just can't get out of my life...
so f-ing pissed off can...
I REALLY HATE YOU!!!
fuck off pls...
you spoil my life, spoil my r/s...
bloody retard...
argh..!!
I DON'T LIKE YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOU!
when i say it three times i mean it...!

2009-08-20T23:29:00.001+08:00

never see you today...
felt weird and sad...
i hope to see you everyday can? pls...

some matters that i really need to settle soon...
its really time for me to spend some time thinking about whats been going on...
how i am going to deal with you...
i need to sit down alone clear my mind and just think of the problem...
to think if you are meant for me and what is really suitable for me...
well... some problem i really dun want to face but if i don't its wasting my time and also yours...
we'll see how it goes bah...
on some days i really dun feel like im in your world...
it just feel like you have so many things that i don't know that you are hiding from me...
I sent you an sms ask you what you would steal from me... i was with you and you said you want to steal my heart...
you didn't reply in sms and didn't send me the msg...
but if i could steal something from you i would really want to steal your heart...
i want to steal the whole of you...
but well you said you need your friends or you have no life...
what else can i do... i want to change you...
but... its impossible...
quit school, full-time job...
guess thts wht you have alr decided on...
you often lie to me tht make me dun believe you at a point of time and i lied to you tht now you dun believe me as well...
so much lies in r/s... i just wonder if we can move on further...

2009-08-09T15:05:00.002+08:00

my life is full of surprises...
bad surprises...
it can just happen and over within 3hrs...
and within that 3hrs... i spend $2k...
in the end i got nothing...
i could have bought so many things and paid for so many other bills with that money...
dammit...
im hate my family more cause of all the shit that i get at home...
dad
is a total nuisance and useless shit...
always giving us problem...
but he is the one who is always so proud and thinks he does alot of things for the family...
pls..
if not because of mum you wouldn't have anything today...
seriously i can't wait for the day when you fuck off from my life...
maybe mum and me would be better off without you...
you are just a freaking troublemaker wasting our money thinking we have a lot of money for you to waste...
continue smoking but i just hope you won't die of smoking...
or i won't even feel sad for you...
you don't worth my pity...
and you have no right to talk at home..
so i would really wish next time when you are home you just shut your mouth sit there watch tv and sleep..
if not get out of the house...
cause i dun welcome you at all...
you can jolly well find a new house which i suppose you have...
so dun stick to us just because we have the money for you...
who knows if we give you the money and you spend it on somebody else...
and in front of family and friends i would really try not to have you in the topic cause i can't think of anything nice to say about you...
and this really show how much you are being a sucker...
you drag me to hell!!!
i will hate you for the rest of my life!
sucks to have a dad like you!

2009-07-29T18:09:00.003+08:00

why???
I always never get what I want....
you will never give me what i want but i always got to listen and give you what you want!!!!
bloody piece of wood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to do what you want me to do but you would never do what I want you to do.!
Don't say you don't know that im not free today...
if i can say that i can wait for you...
your bloody common sense tells you that im free!!!!!
other ppl can spend every day with their gf only you cant!
ya just because i go out i cant stay at home...
pls la other than your friend's gf and your dearest ex sharoln, no other girl would stay at home every single day alr...
IM DAMN FUCKING ANGRY CAN!!!
YA EVERYTHING MUST BE IN CAPS CAUSE IM REALLY SO AFRAID YOU CAN'T SEE SIA...
YOU ALWAYS CANNOT BE THE ONE TO COMFORT ME ESPECIALLY WHEN IM SUFFERING A WHOLE DAY IN SCHOOL.
CAN HAVE MORE CARE AND CONCERN NOT??????
USE YOUR BRAIN THINK WHAT YOU CAN DO AND NOT ALWAYS SAY DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T NEED USELESS ANSWER AND YA THATS WHY YOU ALWAYS DON'T BOTHER TO COMFORT ME CAUSE YOU WILL SAY YOU DON;T KNWO WHAT YOU CAN DO OR SAY TO ME!!!!
WOW. COOLNESS!
WHAT A NICE PERSON SERIOUSLY!
maybe all along we are just a mistake!
you are not special to me anymore. just like my random friends. thats how much you worth.

2009-07-21T20:59:00.002+08:00

a picture of the weird korean seafood set that baby ate today...
LOL.

UT today and i was feeling so tired...
lol
worse still today microecons...
late 1min also cannot...
and ya i was late...
there goes my 0.5 lor..
dunno how to help student one... only know how to follow the rules...
be flexible a bit la...
lol
as usual this module is just so boring and always making me fall asleep...
i just don't like this module eh...
LOL.

anyways after school went to tampines...
walked through all three shopping malls...
went to check price of external hardisk, and also ate dinner before going home...
lol.

Lastly not to forget...
my dearest Kimberly...
yes really never see her for 1 week already...
other than using webcam...
lol
miss her lots already luh...
sister ah when you going to meet me eh...
lol.
must meet up soon kaes...
Love You!!!

2009-07-19T23:20:00.003+08:00

well short outing with bf today...
suppose to go to cathay to buy my laptop casing...
but the moment i tell him the place...
i know it was quite impossible for me to go alr...
yea... that weirdo doesn't like to go to orchard...
but... cathay is not even in orchard...
its off orchard for sakes...
LOL.
oh well...
stuck to my bloody east side which is so bloody boring...
and going shopping basically is to look at things and even if you dun buy you still can say you feel like buying just for fun...
oh well kno what...
he doesn't like it at all...
totally out of this world...
LOL
yea... going to shopping malls and shop and all different outings just made me have this very strong feeling that we are from two different world that we can't click most of the time...
he just can't accomodate with the outing to orchard not even OFF orchard...
not bugis on weekends...
oh well where else in singapore can we go...
only his house i guess and tampines and pasir ris...
LOL
cause its all near to his house...
we make a big difference and it seems like being together was just wrong...
or maybe i am used to being pampered cause im the only child...
but no matter what you would think for other people although it was my thing and you got to get other ppl in and help them..
oh well...
what is this...
i know i am self-centred... so???
im brought up like that...
i don't know how to share...
and don't try to teach me or ask me to learn cause i will never do so...
sad to say you think more for those ppl ard you and just that little bit for me...
but those ppl that you thought of and ask me to help have they thought of me before...
er i suppose not eh...
lol.
im just being selfish kaes...
i dun like to think for other ppl eh...
and sending you off you just walk off like that eh...
WOW...
best one...
other ppl will help their gf and think for them and care for them and love them and work to earn money for them...
but you...
help me i dun dare to think.... think for me more like think for others around you...
care for me once in a while... love me if you are in the mood eh...
work not for me but ya to clear your friend's debt...
which is so called your debt...
i can really see your effort in loving me eh...
always say im important to you...
but i think when your friend is in trouble they are more important...
ya i know why...
cause i want money to spend... thats why you dun see the need of helping me...
oh well i will never get anything from you eh... going shopping is an offence?
buying clothes is an offence?
just because your previous gf can stay at home, your friend's gf can stay at home and not go out so i must be like them?
why must i be so deprived..
i know... want to go out can... spend my own money and go out with my friends not you right...
cause you won't allow me to buy things cause i need to save money...
for what fuck...
i don't even know when i will die...
save the money to bring into my coffin???
LOL
touch your heart and ask yourself what have you really done for me?
and have you pamper me before?
you know for almost one year the only happy day i rmb was only one pathetic day at plaza sing...
thats was the only day when i was really happy...
and it just ended there...
i don't expect 365 days of that but can i have mojority of the days we spend together to be like that day...
and you work cause you need to help your friend's clear debt... den how about the debt that i owe...
partly was also your responsibility eh...
i had to find money and now i got to clear the debt myself...
but some other ppl you help her pay eh...
dun need me to tell you who i think you know... your beloved one...
everything i got to try to solve it myself...
the other day almost wanted me to go to the clinic alone...
you can think of others can think for me or not?????
HOW I WISH YOU COULD LOVE ME MORE WITH HUGS AND KISSES...
OR MAYBE WE ARE JUST A MISTAKE...

yea cried again upon typing this post...
to my sister KIMBERLY...
really hope that you are with me now...
cause i know you will wipe away my tears and make me laugh...
really miss you la sister..!
must meet up soon kaes...
Love You! :D

2009-07-19T10:31:00.002+08:00

S I A N!!!!!
going work alone lor...
i want ppl accompany me lei...
so sad can...
haiis...
some more after work going to bugis...
den go bugis alone...
thats damn stupid la...
haiis...
my life is so sad can..!
argh...

anyways... as what i have promise...
never see sister for about one week alr lei...
really miss her...
cause she always make me laugh...
even on days when i feel like crying...
kimberly is my best sister la...
haha...
Love You sis!!!!

2009-07-18T02:07:00.002+08:00

change of plans...
not meeting sister alr...
cause she can't make it...
lol
sian... dunno who i can go out with tmr alr...
hmm...
anyway sister felt quite bad after she saw my blog post eh...
wanted to delete but she dun allow...
KIMBERLY...
dun need feel bad you dumb dumb...
haha...
i will still love you..! :)
hahaha...

but don't know if i should still go and buy the casing or not...
LOL.
kinda lazy to go eh...
shall see how things go in the afternoon...
haiis...
i bet he wont even take the initiative to ask me out or say to accompany me to go and buy things... LOL.
what a sucker...
dammit...
anyways to my beloved sister...
Love You! :)

2009-07-17T20:22:00.003+08:00

its FRIDAY..!
im shag by today alr...
online but didnt even talk to my sister...
too lazy...
im too tired....
i need a good rest...
but definitely not rest on Saturday...
cause cause im going out with sister!...
haha...
yippee towning tmr eh...
haha...
going to have crazy time cause sister never fail to make me laugh and forget all my troubles...
love her la...
my adorable sister...
three days never see her...
kinda miss her eh...
haha...
to my adorable sister...
see you tmr..!
dun forget our date..!
love and miss you!
HAHA...

2009-07-16T11:12:00.004+08:00

Congrats to Elly and Fabian!!! (L)
1 month tgt liao wor..
LOL.
here is a picture of them...
stay happy kaes..! :)

okay finally manage to upload photo and post this... haha...
was in the same team as Elly today...
haha...
my toilet and break time partner eh...
LOL.
and and UT today...
stress cause it is IPA.
goodness so difficult to score eh... LOL

Lastly,
LOVE MY SISTER, KIMBERLY!!!

2009-07-09T18:59:00.003+08:00

somebody told me,
sometimes its not possible to get back something you threw it away...
yea i truly agree with that...
but not until i tried i don't think i will give up...
I happen to be looking at the rp sticker which i have everyday...
realise that it only stick once on my hand and once i tear it off, i will never be able to stick it back agian...
well i guess thats the same thing that applies to my life...
i threw it away and i can't get it back...
no matter how much i regret i won't get it back...
cause its just like the sticker it will never stick...
you are like my rp sticker which i will never be able to stick back...
but why...
why can't i have another chance...
I always do something and i would realise i made the wrong decision after that...
what a loser...
and now i want to get it back but i can't...
life is so miserable...

2009-06-28T12:59:00.003+08:00

what a random post...
well something about you...
once my friend...
now that i look at you...
i truly know that we are very far away from each other...
yea...
so near yet so far...
i am not able to go into your life anymore...
neither would i want to...
from the time when i knew everything about you till now...
i don't know anything about you...
quite sad...
you tried to talk to me...
but i don't think that works well...
at least you tried...
i appreciated all that you have done for me though...
i guess thats the end...
and i would have had nothing to do with you anymore...

2009-06-22T22:52:00.003+08:00

FEVER!!!
I know you saw something that you shouldn't see...
its something you wouldn't expect to see in my phone...
well i guess no matter how much i try to explain to you, you won't be able to understand it...
you always assume things can go the way you want it to but seriously its not always the case...
when i tell you about what happen...
you say that i am exaggerating...
but that was the fact...
forget it if you don't believe me...
no matter how hard i try to explain you don't believe...
I felt like shyt when i ask if you have anything that you wanna say and you said you were tired...
the more you are not telling me anything it goes more to show that you are angry with me...
i would rather you trash it out with me and you know what lets talk things out...
we have too many problems that have not been solved...
its always there with no solutions...
it makes our scar deeper and hurts much more...
would leaving be a good choice???
i know you are nice but to some extent you really love your games more...
i hope we will get to talk things out and solve the problems... :'(

2009-06-21T01:15:00.004+08:00

POOLSIDE PARTY!!!
alrights here are some pictures that we took...
not in the water...
LOL.
almost got thrown down into the pool...
but but i manage to get away and got into the pool myself...
haha...
almost drown la can...
the pool is so deep...
3 meters..!
hahaha...
its almost two times my heights already...
haha...
scary but fun ah...
HAHAHA...
alrights... thats all for today...=)

2009-06-17T15:05:00.003+08:00

STITCH!!!
hahaha....
going to be with me till Saturday...
yesah...
now everyday sleep late and wake up late...
totally shag...
ahahaha...
luckily i wasn't late for school...
lol.
so sian...
so tired alr and yet i still have UT...
lazy lazy lazy...
confirm fall asleep during UT...
LOL.
anyway bbq on Saturday..!
haha...
*rmb rest early kaes...(:

2009-06-16T13:58:00.002+08:00

its been a long time since i last update my blog...
cause busy with 'work', i mean voluntary work...
although it is voluntary its fun..!
hehe...
10-14th june was with SNSC...
haha...
everyday go there change baskets and look at swimmers...
LOL.
anyway from that past 5 days...
i make new friends... Kimberly, Yu Ting, Sam, Alicia, Janice, Billy, Meng Keat, Jared, Mel, Nicholas, Jane and a few more...
sorry if i didn't mention your name ah...
haha...
that event was fun fun and a whole lots of fun...
although it was very tiring cause we need to stand for long hours and walk around...
but but really is fun...
haha...
i miss those 5 days lor...
hehe...
miss to work with all the very fun people...
LOL.
so sad im not going for the AYG...
if not can work with the same group of people again...
haiis...
nvm nvm...
there is a fina world cup that i might be able to go for...
haha...
FINA WORLD CUP!!!

2009-06-07T08:51:00.003+08:00

alrights...
mood destroyed by you in the morning again...
actually it never got better...
but with what we smsed it was just getting worse...
well...
i really don't know what i can say about you...
since the first day friends been so important to you...
and i seem to mean nothing...
great...
i tried my very best to get what you want but it doesn't seem to be working...
you are tired so am i...
so afterall i suppose you are just being affected by what your friends say...
who was the one who ask me not to get affected and now who is the one being affected...
LOL...
biggest joke you retard..
so i was the cause of everything ya...
for you to being laugh at in front of our friends... for you to be always stress about money...
but who is the one always finding for money...
LOL.
den you are tired of making everybody happy den im not?
i need to work which you don't...
i have got school which you have but you don't go...
i need to always make my parents happy so that i can get money...
i need to maintain my grades so that i can stay in school...
i need to always make sure that you are not angry with me...
can't do anything wrong...
so you think its easy for me...
whenever you think about your problems you have never thought of how many other problems i have on top of problems that i need to solve with you...
so now what thats suppose to be a challenge for me huh...
ya you know what... i forgot you got a secret admirer always reading my blog...
so when i complain about you she will always back you up...
but bitch this is seriously none of your business so maybe you should just fuck off and die...

2009-06-07T02:21:00.004+08:00

alrights...
work today in the afternoon...
the weather was so bloody hot...
shouldn't say its hot... why not say it just feel very stuffy outside...
yes...
my mood wasn't any better today as compared to yesterday night...
well its still because of that somebody...
anyway... work was tiring although didn't earn much but there was a lot of customers...
i am half dead when i ended work...

didn't sms you for the whole day...
when i reached home and called you...
your phone was off...
sms you and no reply...
well it simply felt weird without your msges in my phone...
i tried to call you since 10pm till now...
well your phone is off...
sent ou 2 msges...
can i at least get some reply pls...
or is this the end???

the feeling is weird without you but i suppose i will learn to live my life without you starting from now...

2009-06-06T02:03:00.004+08:00

had family dinner today...
lols...
nice food but boring cause only 3 person eating... lols...

nothing seems right for me today...
lols.
can't play that damn maple...
dunno why...
just keep dying...
for the first time...
i lose like freaking 20% exp...
stupid la...
yes today MOOD totally down...
all thanks to somebody...
everybody going overseas for holiday... when will it be mine???
sick and tired of always staying here...
im bored...
cant play facebook game as well...
yes...
everything is going against me...

why do i get so bothered by what you are doing...
always say that i don't care but it is always not what i meant...
this feeling is irritating la...
haiis...

2009-06-02T22:15:00.003+08:00

BIRTHDAY Today!!!
thanks people for all your smses and emails...
haha...
still didn't manage to go out with my classmates!
haha...
anyway sunday night met up with my bosses... Idris and Wilson...
went to baby's house after that...
haha...
yes... spend two nights at his house...
played maple... went shopping... eating...
everyday just slack and do nothing...
haha...
but well good times always past very fast...
i still want to play some more maple...
want to spend some more time with baby...
haha...

Anyways... tmr going to submit one very important form that will change my future...
haha...
like so serious ah...
actually it is very serious to me ah...
haha...
well to receive that letter was alr a very good birthday present to me...
haha...
just hope that my application would be a successful one this time...
haha...
so excited...
ahhhhh......
and and... i got a job interview on thursday...
was suppose to be tomorrow but i have alr got something on so i changed it...
haha...
hope i would be able to get the job as well...
like that i will have more money...
can clear my debts...
and most importantly...
can buy things that i like...
haha...

thats all for today i guess...
so tired and i need a good rest for tomorrow!!! haha...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to MYSELF!!!
IM 18!!!

2009-05-30T23:14:00.002+08:00

worked in the morning...
it was so boring cause got no customer...
quite stress cause like got no income ah...
later boss not happy i die...
haha...
went home and fell asleep on daddy's bed...
luckily woke up on time to bath and go out of house...
but credit to baby cause he was the one who bomb my phone and wake me up...
haha...
but he suppose to meet me to accompany me eat dinner and take key from ecp...
end up he got to meet his friends...
LOL.
called mummy on the bus and she also said she is still busy...
can't get away from work yet...
blah blah blah...
yes two of you suppose to eat dinner with me...
but end up all busy...
im left all alone...
thanks ah people...
thanks for being so nice to me...
after taking the stupid shop key.. left ecp...
took a bus back and when i reach home den i realise the door was locked...
i sit there like at 9.50pm...
called mummy at 10 and she said she would reach home in 10min...
end up i waited for her till 11.15...
thanks ah...
from i was very hungry till i got gastric pain...
i waited till i can't feel anything and now i just want to sleep...
im tired...
two people that always disappoints me the most is baby and mummy...
can you all keep to what you say pls...
FREAKS!

2 more days to my BIRTHDAY!!!

2009-05-29T15:09:00.003+08:00

didn't wake up late but still took train to school...
i saw your msg asking me to wake you up in the morning...
well i did try to call you but you didn't answer...
i don't know what happen but i decided to go to your house to wake you up...
i mean im alr late for school but i still did...
but when i reach your house you just got to say that im wasting money taking cab to school...
i don't need to wake you up so early and all...
what is this...
can you at least be abit grateful that i came over just to wake you up?
why say till like i did everything wrong...
and when i call you, you just got to hang my call...
the next time i call you at 10 plus you are still sleeping...
you were the one who said you need to go to school today...
you were the one who ask me to wake you up...
but im trying everything that i can to help you but you are not helping yourself...
and worse still you don't even appreciate what i have done for you...
really nothing can describe how i am feeling now...
been waiting for you to sms me since morning but there was none...
this is so disappointing...
it just make me feel so dead...

2009-05-29T00:23:00.002+08:00

late for school today..!
i really hate the feeling of being late...
it just sucks...
well... i can't wake up...
im dying... way too tired alr...
i need a good rest...
very very good rest...
long long sleep will help alot...
thank god holiday is here and after my birthday im gonna sleep long time...
haha...
anyway got a very great birthday gift one week ago...
but to be able to get it fully i need to submit it...
haha...
so excited...
well today i did nothing much in class...
slacking all the way...
and and the plan to go out and celebrate my bdae is still so not there yet...
nothing has been finalize yet...
argh...

anyways...
4 more days to my BIRTHDAY!!!

2009-05-26T14:33:00.002+08:00

took train to school again today...
i just can't wake up la...
have been sleeping so late everyday...
cause smsing baby...
haha...
i was earliest amongst dalton, lorrian and labin...
but by the time we walk to school and into class...
late alr...
lol.
this inflexible faci was nice today...
mark me present wor...
haha...
good good...
i shall put more effort in class...
haha...
thanks ah faci...
lol.

so happy wor baby coming school to find me cause i got no money...
suppose to meet friend after school...
but since baby coming then all appointments become pending cases...
haha...
baby is my priority can...
lol.
cannot afford to lose him ah...
haha...
hmm...
friend i will get back to you again if i can meet you ya...
im so sorry ah...
haha...
although friends are important to me but people you should know me ah...
BF is much much much more important although i don't show it...
haha...
but if you all ask me out i would definitely make time for you one kaes...
haha...

anyways... plans for my bdae???
Kinder surprise for my bdae present anyone???
7days more.!!

2009-05-25T20:20:00.002+08:00

Alrights...
7 DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!
turning 18..!
and and baby gonna celebrate my birthday with me..!
haha..
so excited...
cause cause im going drinking...
haha...
im staying out from sunday till tuesday..!
friends... don't forget my birthday. must ask me out...
haha...

was early for school today...
cause i took train again...
1 thing i really don't like is...
every morning the train is so crowded...
lol.
but at least i reach school fast enough...
haha...
today's lesson was kinda easy i guess...
or maybe i did the easier part so i don't know anything of the difficult ones...
well... having labin and johnson in my team... no need worry la...
haha...
and vivian also very efficient one... haha.... prepare everything before going for break...
haha...
like my group...
haha...

and and...
UT today...
first UT after a long break...
hahaha...
so nervous la...
but well i manage to finish like 10mins before it end...
haha...

2009-05-19T23:51:00.004+08:00

woke up late today...
but still i manage to reach woodlands inter on time to meet Dalton and lorrian...
lessons was although boring but i manage to focus and listen...
hmm... first time i manage to understand a bit in the microeconomics class...
one bad thing was through the end of the lesson i wasn't feeling well...
and so... i didn't present during presentation...
LOL.
wasted sia...
anyway... finish RJ in school before we leave...

after school off to Clarke Quay..!
haha...
went with Dalton, Wailong, Johnson, Lorrian, Elly and Janice...
hehe...
went to eat bak kut teh and after walk around central...
but walk like one level and then we walked out and sit beside the river...
haha...
we started cam-whoring non-stop...
bought ice-cream to eat and yum yum... its so nice...
haha...
slack till about 9pm sitting there talking and crapping...
LOL.
and home sweet home...
took a long bus ride home...
but the day was fun with my classmates around...
haha....

2009-05-17T00:45:00.003+08:00

ok i finally solved my problem...
i should have felt happy and a sense of relieved...
but instead i felt sad...
i regret for what i chose to do...
but its all to late...
its so contradicting...
i was so firm on getting rid of it but after all of that i felt that i made the wrong choice...
damn it...
i always regret after making a decision...
anyway i feel like im holding on to something that is not mine...
its not suitable for me and we are always unhappy...
i don't know what i should do...
im afraid that its another decision that i will regret on...
damn it...

got work tomorrow and baby's is meeting me at workplace when i finish work...
hehe...
i think only because its this week...
haiis...
its gonna be a tiring day cause im going to go home late and i got school the next day...
lol.
but for the sake of money...
i don't really mind...
cause i need money...
haha...
always so in need of money...
haiis...
hope my financial life will get better soon...

anyways...
16more days to my BIRTHDAY!!!

2009-05-12T23:55:00.002+08:00

im pissed off with that jasmine yap...
omg...
the grades she give me sucks...
doesn't even motivate me to go for her lesson...
lols.
what a bitch is she can...

and you...
how do you expect me to meet you when you haven even reach home in the morning...
not even at 8...
and tonight is the same thing again... how you want me to meet you???
haiis...
dunno whats wrong with you...

anyway to some retarded people...
don't like me dun read my blog...
i never ask you to read it...
lols.
if scared i scold you online den i seriously think you are a joke...
if you never do anything wrong then why would you even be afraid that people are scolding you behind your back...
lols.
dun be lame.

2009-05-11T21:41:00.007+08:00

IHATEYOUMUMMY!!!
i really hate you alot...
why can't you just give me what i want...
i just want to go out late for one day...
just one day of every week...
why can't i have the privilege???
because of you... i hate to come home...
i hate to see your face...
i hate to talk to you...
i like nothing in this house...
nothing in this family...
i just can't wait to find for a stable job and move out of the house...
i just want you out of my sight...
i want to have my own freedom...
i want my own life and not you controlling me...
it just sucks...
im like a joke amongst my friend...
this really sucks...
why is my life always so difficult for me???
i didn't want it this way but it always is...
IHATEMYLIFE!!!

and you i thought you say you were tired...
ask me not to meet...
end up you are playing computer games at home...
can't bear to part with your computer games right...
and then if your friends ask to meet you will definitely meet...
since these two are so important to you...
den why would you even need me?
special reasons?
lols!
im so stress and so many family problems and your problem which is also my problem...
its alr enough...
but instead of lightening it you are adding on to it...
really la...
if you see this post today..
tmr might as well dun meet...
you everyday play game till morning...
so which day are you not tired???
NONE!!!!!!!!!!!
you are tired every single day...
so does it make any difference if i meet you today or tmr???
NO!!!!!!!
promise to meet me end up never...
what is this...
next time things you can't do don't promise la...
it just ruin everything can!!!
really la if im so not important to you as compared to your friends and your computer games...
just tell me so...
at least i know the fact...
dun let me live in my own dreamland and after that always make me sad...
really...
i feel what people say is true...
excessive computer games ruin people's life...
i can tell you... continue playing like that and don't regret k... :'(
i forgot you once said promise are meant to be broken...
so it applies in the past and also the present...
since i was the one who ask you to promise to meet...
and you broke one day of your promise...
might as well let me break the rest...
which ever day that you promise to meet...
its meant to be broken...
so you don't have to meet me as planned alr...
you have your own free time to do whatever you want...
how about when you want to meet me den sms me...
so it wouldn't seem like im irritating you to meet...
and so it gives you much more freedom and more time to yourself...
i think that would suit you best and be most comfortable for you...

this feeling sucks...
i've got problem and i can only talk to myself...
i cry and the only person that care for me is me myself...
does he even know i cry...
i suppose not...
not until i post this blog post...
not until he read it...
it have not been easy for me...
you are stress but i feel more stress than you do...
i've got other family problems to face...
i've got my stupid mummy who constantly scolds me for nothing...
who doesn't allow anything that i do...
you will never understand how i feel...
never ever understand...
IM SICK AND TIRED OF MY LIFE...
SOMEBODY KILL ME PLS!!!

oh ya anyways....
today morning Dalton bought kinder joy...
and i got one too!!!
haha...
thanks Dalton..!
but i want kinder surprise...
haha...

2009-05-10T01:27:00.004+08:00

worked in the morning today...
opened the shop aloe and worked till 4...
my problem has not yet been solved...
deadline is this friday...
if nobody's gonna help me im screwed...
damn it im so stress now...

anyway have been improving in my daily grades and so less nagging from mummy...
and for that i ask a request from her...
not to get more allowance from her...
cause i know thats a for sure NO.
LOLS!
i merely ask for 1 day off like saturday curfew to be the next day or very late in the night...
without thinking her immediate reply was a NO!
seriously... you give me all kinds of excuse like cause i will be the only girl...
like wth...
did i even say that... NO..!
pls la...
i have girl friends going out with me also...
tried so hard to explain to her and end up she still don't understand...
wtf..!
and my fucking curfew is to be home by 1!!!!
LOLS!!!
im so bloody pissed off can!!!
18 alr and my curfew is at 1..!!
fucking pathetic can...
can have more freedom not??
also not say will affect my grades in school la...
so inflexible can...
say they care for me...
care what fuck sia...
what i need can't give me...
what i request for also can't agree with it...
what lan jiao tai ji is this lor...
knn...
fucking pissed off!!!

seriously im not gonna care what she is going to say im going out every single day...
i will go everywhere and anywhere..
and as for saturday..
i will go out till i am happy den i go home...
whether she likes it or not thats her fucking problem...
i can't be bothered abut what she thinks...
since she doesnt even care about how i feel...
thanks for being so caring to me lor...
I HATE MY FAMILY!!!!

and now she even set curfew for what time i need to sleep...
gosh im not like 8months old...
i cant go out till late at night...
worse still i cant sleep at the preferred time i want...
can i get to choose something in my life???
can you dun make me hate my life pls???
this just sucks la...
so much things have been happening this few weeks...
damn it...

2009-05-07T23:53:00.004+08:00

damn it...
lost my ez-link card early in the morning...
was definitely a bad day for me...
wasn't feeling well for the whole day probably because of you...
felt giddy and nauseous...
haiis...
its getting worse as days passed...
did debut today... something that i definitely don't like...
i will never excel in doing a debut...
it just sucks luh...
ok was awaiting for baby to come and meet me after school...
but but...
he woke up only when like i just finish school..
wow... thanks for that 'wonderful' day lor...

back home at night at about 9plus...
wanted to go and eat but stupid person keep rushing me...
first thought that came to my mind was he is rushing off to meet his friends...
well...
fine.
but ended up you said i blamed you for the wrong thing...
since so, why didnt you clarify it when i said im not going to eat?
you know how fucking hungry i am...
i am damn it having gastric pain luh...
thanks for your so called care and concern ah...
yea i don't deny that you did ask me if i wanna eat at bedok inter...
but well it was only when i was about to reach home then my gastric pain started acting up...
can't you just understand...
can't you just give in to me??
yea.. you can't...
asking you to give in to me was a total chore to you right...
den i dun see why i need to give in to you...
damn it...

can't wait to go to school tmr...
meeting labin, dalton and lorrian...
actually nothing new cause we meet almost everyday...
haha..
but still happy to see them...
they make my day happier...
haha...
Loves e55a!

2009-05-05T23:52:00.003+08:00

met up with Labin, Dalton, Aaron and Lorrian before going to school today...
as usual Lorrian was late...
haha...
she is the queen la...
our class princess...
hahaha...
class was as usual boring...
dun like the faci...
cause it seems like she doesn't like me either...
but seriously who cares...
she is so inflexible luh...
every single thing also want to report...
haiis...
Dalton just had a slight fever and she wanted him to go to the office...
lols...
Anyway hope Dalton will get well soon from his coughing and slight fever...

took train with Lorrian to town after school...
and and...
after the broken anklet which i didn't get it replace for a long time...
i finally got it today...
haha....
went back to bedok to meet baby after that...
and he accompanied me home...
lols.
ate dinner at my house den he went home cause tmr got school for him...
haha...
although i have to go school too...
but i go school to meet my friends so it doesn't really matter...
haha...

I haven't got my problem solved and really hope somebody could help me...
damn it...
i feel so hopeless now...
IM DEPRESSED..!

2009-05-04T22:38:00.003+08:00

why do you always have to find me at the wrong time???
i used to love you and like you alot...
but if only you come later i would love you more than how i used to think i will love you...
you appear in my life now and ruin my daily routine...
affected my mood...
now i start to dislike you...
cause i find you irritating...
but i really don't know why you just got to cling onto me...
making me suffer and have to make difficult decisions...
i can't bear to leave you but i am left with no choice...
its either you or my future...
i might be selfish but sometimes it seems like being selfish would be a better choice...
i feel sorry towards you but really im left with no choice...

2009-05-04T15:16:00.003+08:00

im stress!!!
i have problems that i can't share with anyone and i don't know how to solve it...
its sucks when i meet with this kind of problem...
i don't know how to manage my stress and im not good in solving my own problem...
im going to breakdown soon..!
who can be there to solve my problem for me or with me???
how i wish somebody can be here for me to solve my problem with me...
i might look like im fine cause i have been trying to avoid my problems...
i have been trying to forget about it so that it wouldn't affect my mood...
but the problem i have would only get worse as days past...
i want to solve the problem soon...
but to solve the problem i need money... alot alot of money...
even if i work i need a long time to get that amount of money that i need...
damn it why is money alw a problem in my life...
why is it always a factor that stops me from doing things...
i hate my life now cause i don't know what i can do...
maybe one day if i die all the problems would be solve...
and i wont need to worry that i don't have money to solve my problem...

Anybody can save me???

2009-05-02T10:46:00.006+08:00

1/5/09

Yesah!
after working for mummy for the whole afternoon...
i got to go out at night...
went to watch movie...
suppose to watch Taken with baby but cause i alr watched it with my classmates...
also the cinema was almost full...
so we went to watch another show instead... 17 Again...
haha...
the movie was average as compared to Taken...
haha...
I wanna watch Taken again...!

Anyway before i went for the movie...
saw Estella working at E!hub Nebo counter...
haha...
wanted to sign up for Nebo member with her but ytd go no money alr...
so probably next week den i sign up la...
haha..
also dunno sign up for what but anything la...
lols!
met barry and lourra as well... the shop has a new crew working looks dam ugly can...
haha...
i bet their sales is bad with that girl around...
lols.

2/5/09

mother's day lunch at church today...
and after that got to rush to work...
lunch ends at 2 and im starting work at 3...
argh... so rush ah...
anyway leaving house soon for the lunch...
and today baby working for mummy as delivery boy wor...
thanks for helping me out cause that was suppose to be my job...
haha...
hope you wont be late... =D

2009-05-01T01:24:00.001+08:00

gosh!
i sick...
like after i submit my declaration to the school that im fine...
i am sick...
flu, fever and cough...
argh...
the freaking flu is makine me feel so uncomfortable...
damn it...

2009-04-30T23:53:00.003+08:00

Last day of school for the week!
tmr is labour day...
woohoo...
anyway school was as usual today...
boring...
but with my interesting classmates around...
they changed everything...
hehe...
didn't go to town as planned...
instead dalton, labin, elly, janice and me went to watch movie at causeway...
we watch Taken... Nice show...
hehe...
first class outing with my yr2 classsmates...
yeah yeah...
after movie went to starbucks and slack...
left at 8.30pm and i stupidly took a bus to Eunos...!
LOLS!
dumb sia...
anyway enjoyed myself today and with my interesting classmates that i have it motivates me to go to school...
haha...

2009-04-29T23:51:00.003+08:00

went to school very very early today...
reached school at 8.30am...
was the first to be in class... lol...
today is the naggy faci again...
and all the while i didn't understand what she was talking about...
lol...
played sushido since class started till class end...
haha...
went to W1 with lorrian, dalton, labin, vincent and wailong to collect the free bag for shl students...
lol...
after that walk to inter tgt...
and i went to take a bus home...

bus home was a horror...
there was this disgusting guy sitting beside me...
he sleep in the bus fine...
but but he kept leaning towards me...
and that isn't the worse...
he was drooling on his shirt and his mucus was coming out from his nose...
totally disgusting...
when he wake up, he didn't take a tissue to clean, he just used his hands....
and he wipe everything either on his shirt or his pants...
end up his pants can clearly see is full of dried mucus stains...
freaking disgusting...
and he looks worse than a beggar...
gosh...
and when he cough he doesm't even have the basic manner to cover his mouth...
spreading germs to ppl...
wth...
the worse thing was with his hand full of his saliva and mucus he went to hole on to the poles on the bus...
contaminating everything...
taking bus home was a total nightmare...
I WANT PPPL TO ACCOMPANY ME HOME!!!!!
ANYONE WOULD BE SO KIND???

2009-04-28T15:04:00.003+08:00

Presentation was disastrous...
OMFG....
faci got so many questions to ask...
she practically ask for every single slide...
and really she talk in a sarcastic manner...
gosh...

anyway there is so many things for me to do after school...
got to go to bridal shop to take thing...
my bag is alr so heavy and i still got to take other things...
my hand is gonna break...
was suppose to help mummy pay phone bill but i really dun have the time to do so la...
must go queue up at the post office...

wanna finish school faster and go bridal shop...
home sweet home..
i wanna sleep...!

2009-04-27T21:59:00.003+08:00

by the time you finish reading my post you should be very angry le bah...
no choice lei...
i type at least can tell you everything...
say to you 70% you will never listen...
tl le jiu ignore me...
actually type out and post it also the same...
you tl le also ignore me...
msn ah...
you also not online...
sms...
also can't type that long la...
but at least i've said what i wanted to say...

say finish everything now i going to tell you... no offence.
this is how sombody say le and end with this wor... BITCH de lor...
oops... im sorry wor just scolded her... lols!

2009-04-27T21:38:00.002+08:00

hmm let me say this...
you sms me only when you've got nothing to do...
sms me probably when you happen to rmb...
so if i dun send you a sms that you can reply you dun even bother to send another msg back...
alright since you do it like that... i will do the same...
always is i sms you first den you will sms me...
i tired and lazy le...
always must i ask you out, tell you where to go...
im out of ideas le...
you will never ask me out de lor...
got la ask me go to your house...
lols...
dun worry ppl dun read my blog they come here tag only...
no need tl...
maybe only your 'darling' will read cause she too free...
oh sorry no offence...
lol...
you are like a block of wood can...
haiis...
oh ya one more thing to tell you...
you always spoil my mood de lei...
thought you coming my school find me end up never...
i cancel all appointments, pang seh friends end up...
i go eunos meet you or i go home myself or go out alone...
lols!!!!!

i feel that i am being used...
being used by the person whom i think is closest to me...
damn it...
feeling sucks sia...
sobs sobs...

WHO CAN COME MY SCHOOL FETCH ME WHEN I FINISH LESSON???
im sick and tired of going home alone from such a far place...
bored of going out alone...
somebody just accompany me PLEASE!!!
i am soon to be dying of boredom...!
Save Me!!!

2009-04-23T19:38:00.004+08:00

School sucks today!!!
Facilitator sucks and the module sucks!
It was so boring...
but teammates was fun...
suppose to meet up with program chair but didn't...
heex...
was more concern about going for break so i postponed it...
heex...
but no matter what i still got to meet up with him...
damn it... i just dread to meet him...
meeting him was nothing good...
yea... and anyway they only postponed it for one day so tmr i got to go to school to meet him...
the worse thing is it is after school...
i regret to postpone it....
its from 4-5pm and i can foresee i wouldn't have time to go out...
haiis...
RP life is relax but it just takes up too much of my time...
anyway after 4 days of school...
i start to like my new class... they are interesting... funny...
lols!

after school was suppose to meet up with Idris...
but but...
i couldn't finish my work on time...
by the time i finish it was alr quite late...
will see if i have the time tmr to visit him...
quite worried about him...
felt bad about not keeping to what i say...

anyways today took my first picture after i put braces...
haha...
i look funny with my braces on...
haha...
tmr got to meet baby in the morning so im gonna go to sleep now...
and its alr very late...
glad that im starting school late tmr...
but still i end late too...
ahaha...
doesn't make much difference though...

thats all for today. :D

2009-04-23T00:14:00.002+08:00

Baby!!! Thanks for watching movie with me today...
and and...
allowing me to eat ice-cream... woohoo...
so nice lei...
you made my day!
after one day at school which was so tiring i finally got time to relax...
thanks!

After school, meet up with baby at Tampines 1...
yes, i've been there alr...
nothing much though.
went to watch movie after window shopping...
lol.
done with movie and home sweet home. :)
anyways home to do my RJ, a pretty long one...
lol.
went to my blog check for tags, check my emails...
and updating my blog now...

i learnt about different types of health and thought i was healthy...
but just when i think i am...
i realise i am mentally ill...
after all my mental health is not that good though...
but im glad that eddie is there to comfort me... thanks baby.

2009-04-22T09:50:00.004+08:00

School!!!
three days of school was so boring...
i want another holiday now.
lessons was boring but my class is fine..
yesterday went to school and home sweet home...
was so tired...
never meet baby yesterday so intend to meet him today...
shall see if i can finish early and go to his school to meet him...
bored...

2009-04-13T01:46:00.003+08:00

where are all the enjoyable days that i had with you???
i lost it so can you help me get it back?
whatever you do now just doesnt make me fell secure at all...
and whatever you say or do now just make me don't believe in you even more...
can you do something to save it?
you don't seem to realise that we have a lot of problems that needs to be solve...
on an ordinary i wouldn't realise it too but till the way you react to certain things i truly think that we have a lot of problems...
while i was walking with you today i realise no matter how far or near you are to me, you still seem to be so far away from me... seems like we didn't know each other...
you would be thinking what problems do we have... and no matter how hard you think you wouldn't be able to figure it out cause you don't think that it is a problem to you...
to think back how i spend my day today, it was really miserable...
walking beside you was so stressful, hearing you talk and answering your questions seems so scary cause you were so fierce if you didn't realise...
sitting in the train or in the bus wasn't as relax as before...
and if i were to talk about your friends now... that's it... you are going to get angry again...
its starting to get very stressful everytime i go out with you...
its not fun anymore...
but when im home i would be crying...
i start to have a phoebia to go out with you or to ask you out...
you seem to enjoy the time out with your friends but its not like that when you are out with me recently...
before i saw that picture you used to be so nice to me and not fierce...
can you help me find him back?
the feeling really sucks now...

no matter how much i try,
friends will always come first for you.
this fact never changed. :'(

2009-04-12T01:25:00.003+08:00

was it my fault or yours???
i was angry with you for doing that to me...
end up i still talk to you, didnt ignore you as i planned...
but have i really forgiven you of what you've done?
now, everytime i see you it reminds me of that picture...
i just can't forget that...
even if you have deleted the photo its of no use...
when im at home i still feel so miserable...
sad to say but now i feel so insecure with you...
not knowing when you are going to do something like that again...
i used to put all my trust in you, believe everything that you've said to me...
even if outsiders were to say that you might be lying to me...
i would still believe you...
but now i don't know if i could still believe what you've said to me...
im so sorry but i think i've just lost my trust for you...
the way you try to tell me something really sucks...
you should have thought of something else instead of telling me this way which is so cruel...
the scar in my heart would always be there and it will never be gone...
sobs sobs... :'(

i wanted to say,
I HATE YOU.
but sitting down and think carefully,
i couldn't bear to say it to you.

2009-04-11T01:34:00.002+08:00

the feeling sucks when i see something i don't wish to see...
im hurt very seriously hurt...
i can't forget what i have seen...
its stuck in my head...
who can help me forget it...
its worse than all the nightmares i've ever dreamt of...
its one of things which i wish most to be just a dream...
i've lost all my favourite things..
thanks for being so nice to me...
letting me see it only now when im alw trying my very best to be nice to you...
when im trying to control my temper towards you...
when i really love you so much you got to hurt me this way...
im sick and never going to get well...

2009-03-02T00:11:00.003+08:00

write this post not want to pissed you off...
you said that you never sms me cause you thought that i was angry...
but have you ever thought that when you totally dun send me a msg it is worse?
don't you even wonder why i didn't sms you the whole day...
even after you know that i was awake and playing maple...
seriously you say sorry to me...
but to me i don't think you feel sorry at all...
i might be wrong...
and i seriously hope i am wrong...
but when i call you really don't sound like you are...
or maybe it wasn't your fault...
or maybe i heard somebody that i don't like thats why im reacting this way...
i really feel that when im out of the country than you will be nice to me...
must it be like that?
than i would rather i leave now...
but i can only say im utterly disappointed and angry with you today...

and till now you know that im angry with you, that i show you attitude, still there isn't any sms to show concern...

i don't know why,
but i cried writing this.
i've never felt so angry with you before
now that i am,
i really don't know what i can do.

2009-03-01T16:01:00.002+08:00

damn it today never go out...
sian...
im going to fall sick again...
2 days never see eddie...
and also never really sms him...
haiis...
never ask him go out he also wont ask me out de...
sian lor...
cause he don't like to go out so no choice...
sadded...
suppose to go out buy hp charger...
but raining heavily so tmr den go...
sian de lor...
go all the way to vivo to buy one hp charger...
some more go alone...
so boring...
haiis...

2009-02-28T11:41:00.003+08:00

25/02/09
went to pluck out my wisdom tooth and one other tooth...
end up mouth swollen and it kept bleeding...
i look so ugly...
and i became a 'vampire' cause i keep drinking my own blood...
was so disgusting...
and the worse thing is that it hurts alot...
but nice thing was baby came to visit me... haha...

28/02/09
last day of the month!!!
mouth swollen for a few days...
till today it is still swollen...
but not as obvious already...
suppose to go to bird park with cousin, cousin's family and baby...
but end up no ticket so never go...
haiis...
can't see the birds there...
try to play maple but keep dc-ing...
pek chek liao lor...
dunno whats wrong today...
can't play game...
no plans to go out cause nobody to go out with...
i rot at home...
pathetic...
anyway i want to scold people again...
haha...
always got somebody for me to scold...
this person suay lor...

this person i seriously don't understand why he can be so irritating...
so annoying that even when i don't talk to him i get pissed off just by seeing his name...
haha...
seriously how can you be so annoying...
and i think thats why you are still single...
cause you are so irritating and ugly i should say...
not saying that im good but seriously you are...
you irritates people that i think girls would stay away from you...
haha...

done with criticising(is it spelt like that?) people...
made me feel better...
haha...
im evil...
but i dun care...
ahahaha...
at least it made me feel happier...
going to try to play maple... hope won't dc if not... sians...

2009-02-21T02:12:00.006+08:00

its been a long time since i last blog...
didnt work at all ever since holiday started...
damn no income...
alrights...
here is some things about a guy i don't like...

i officially hate you alot...
reason being...
there is really too much to say but i should list a few...
well...
you always call at the wrong time and sms at the wrong time...
i think you are just stupid enough to do that...
thanks for being so stupid...
and and i seriously think you are quite irritating...
so what if you have money...
damn you i can't f*cking be bothered...
can't you just get out of my life...
and out of my way...
just don't be irritating and pissed me off...
and and last thing i wanna say about you...
don't always act like you care for me...
and after that put me one side...
freaking poser can...
like you need me you are nice...
don't need me den your attitude is totally ignore people that kind...
pls la if i have attitude problem den i think you are worse 10 times...
dun always show that f*cked up attitude den ignore ppl can...
sometimes feel like giving you one tight slap on your face...
i seriously dunno what i can do about you but...
i definitely know that you will screw up my life if i continue talking to you...
so its best that i stay away from you... not be friends with you and not talk to you...
*if i still do talk to you den this person im talking about is definitely not you...

ok... done with scolding of people...
just got my pay from BH and and...
it wasnt easy to get pay from him...
just got to listen to him nag before getting pay...
so tiring...
my mind was totally not on what he was talking about but who cares...
let him finish and i can get my pay...
and he was nice enough to give me a cash cheque...
haha...
at least that was something he did nice for me..
when i needed money urgently...
haha...

grandma's b'dae is like on saturday and all my cousins will be back...
although i dun like to go to malaysia...
but but...
i cant wait to see my cousins!!!
i want to see him...
haha...
but but... when i go malaysia den i wont be able to see my dearest eddie...
haiis...
i don't have a choice if i want to go malaysia or not... its a must...
damn it...
i want to meet baby everyday but i also need to go malaysia..
and some part of me just tells me that i need to be at malaysia...
haiis....
anyway its decided that i got to go malaysia..
no immediate changes allowed...
wanted to ask baby to go with me but i suppose he wont agree on that and he might alr have his own plans so thats totally off...
going back is fine but the worse things is i don't know when im coming back...
oh well... its going to be another boring trip unless im staying at my aunty's house with my cousins but thats not going to happen... haha...

lost and confused
reconsidering on some things
i don't know what i should do

2009-01-19T10:53:00.002+08:00

17/1/09

took a day off from work cause i wasn't feeling well...
but but end up i still got to meet up with customers...
troublesome...
was a sucky day cause i wasn't able to get my pay as scheduled...
damn it...
im in need of money...
what type of boss is he sia...
like to owe people pay...
earn money but keep all the money people work for him he still so stingy...
den things do wrong or never manage to do it he scold...
never think people also got other things to do also...
people also got family that need to spend time with...
always give me a whole load of things den expect me to finish in one day by myself...
you are enjoying yourself going on a holiday but have you ever thought whta is happening to your shop in Singapore...
i think people sell your shop you also dunno...
anyways im so glad that it is my last month working in Ss...
not going to let you take advantage of me anymore...

today spend a whole day with eddie since morning... cause he was at ecp...
left ecp and went to pw to eat but poor baby stomach not feeling well so never eat...
wanted to eat tom yam but scared gastric pain so i ate chicken rice instead...
after i finish eating baby wasn't feeling quite good so we went back to his house instead...
but sian on the way back this customer call and i got to go back to ecp at 4...
so we went back to rest for a while till 3 den to ecp...
the whole day we were just travelling everywhere and the weather is so hot lar...
like gonna get heatstroke anytime...
after ecp we took a bus to bugis...
suppose to meet mummy at city hall...
but but when i reach bugis and give her a call she tell me che can't meet me...
damn...
cannot buy things...
me and baby went to walk around bugis...
but but... it was so crowded with people lor...
everywhere also crowded...
want to buy things also sian lor...
went home at about 8 cause really got no place for me to go alr cause it was so crowded and i got no money...
meet up with mummy for dinner and we eat until so bloated cause i ordered too much...
sorry but my estimation sucks...
reached home and i was feeling worse den how i felt in the morning...
luckily i don't have to work tmr...
anyway i do rmb our anniversary date although i haven said it to you for quite some time...

HAPPY 5 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY!!!

18/1/09

work is piling up and im getting very very stress...
not suppose to work today cause i was suppose to be resting at home...
but watie last minute couldn't work so i got to go to kallang to open shop...
headache and stomach not feeling well...
that kind of feeling is not very good cause it makes me feel very weak...
damn with me being sick...
i seriously realise i dun have a very understanding boss...
he piles up work on top of all those work that i have...
and and instead of helping and giving crew their pay...
he expects me to give all the crew cash as their pay...
where am i gonna get enough money to give...
now all the crew coming after me for their pay...
damn it...
was damn freaking pissed off with BH of what he have done and what he said to me can...
nvm... it is all gonna end soon...

2009-01-16T23:07:00.003+08:00

whats the problem with you...
you are always so can't be bothered....
i really don't know what i can do about you...
i tried to tolerate... but i just can't...
i know you have been tolerating my temper and attitude too but well im just sorry...
but have you ever felt sorry for me?
im sick and yet you dunno how to accompany me... must it wait till i ask you den you will accompany me?
actually i did ask but you rejected me...
know why i dun like to take the initiative to ask you cause i dun like the feeling when you reject me...
you dunno how i feel cause you seldom ask me to go out with you or rather you never asked before...

YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME SAD AND CRY!

2009-01-16T17:12:00.002+08:00

damn... another of school and work...
woke up late again as usual and i was very late for school...
and and... im sick... wow...
rush off after second meeting to go to kallang to open shop and ya im feeling worse...
work is piling up and nobody can help me or want to help me...
i got to coach at tampines today and go to DTE to collect thing and back to kallang to do admin again...
i suppose im going to camp at kallang again today... this time im alone...
tried to ask bf if he can come to tampines to find me but he say he doesn't wanna go to TPE...
and since he said that i dun bother asking him anything more...
concentrate playing your game and enjoy your time at home...

the feeling just sucks when im sick...
always makes me cry cause i feel very suffocated and and i would always vomit...
another week of not going to eat anything... damn it...

you know its not like i want to ask you to come to tampines to accompany me but its just that im too sick and im not feeling good thats why i asked you... and cause i got so many other place to go to so i asked you... well since you love your game so much and hate tampines so much and so much of caring for me i shall not disturb you to ask you out... its not i dun wan to sms you but what can i sms you??? forget it...

2009-01-15T10:25:00.002+08:00

14/1/09

normally end work at 8 i will elave the shop only at 8.30 plus plus... but but ytd i left on the dot 8... was freaking crying in the shop when so many customers walk pass... all thanks to somebody... left the shop without even doing cash up... 2 days never do cash up alr..
if B know i think im in big trouble... but who cares he is not even in the country... i have too much problem that i can't be bothered with the shop anymore...

i declare i sucks in relationship... i am seriously not a good gf... i suppose im the worse gf ever... or maybe he is right i shouldn't be in a relationship now... eddie eddie... i seriously dunno how to be nice... maybe im really very bad as a gf...

15/1/09

damn got to work today again... wanted to go ikea after coaching but realise i can't... crew can't work den i got to cover their shifts... now i know how all my previous manager felt when crew dun turn up for work and they got to cover their shifts... sorry to my managers that sometimes got to cover my shifts for me... wonder what time i got to work till today... damn it...

manage to wake up early today for UT and i wasn't late but because i can't find my UTQ i started late... damn... thought i dun have time to finish it but i finish everything earlier then the UT ended... haha... and and Angie was sitting beside me and she can't stop sneezing... falling sick soon... im so bored in class... phone kept ringing cause there was so many phone calls regarding complains... damn it... everyday kena scolded by people... argh...

I WANT TO GO TO PARKWAY TO BUY THINGS!!! WHY ALWAYS GOT NO TIME TO GO SIA...DAMN IT... I WANT TO GO TO VIVO AS WELL. ARGH!!!

2009-01-14T11:56:00.002+08:00

bored. got to work today again. i worked everyday except for monday. no life.

ytd was the worse day ever. for so long i have not been complained by customers until ytd...
and and... it wasn't totally my fault and i got scolded by so many ppl... worse thing is... B is not in the country, he didn't know the situation den he just reprimanded me... nonsense... everything also my fault... pls lor i only know about the Chatsworth class like one day before... and i have never done i before so how you expect me to know what to do... damn it.

wake up only at 8 today... reach school real late... worse thing is i need to stay throughout the whole day can't leave early... damn it... my sales at kallang will be dead... damn im so stressed because of work and i still have got school... today after school got to rush to work... hmm... tired tired... hope daddy will fetch me to work...

planning with mummy about 2 days before chinese new yr as i will be alone at home cause she wont be in... hmm she is so afraid i will ask eddie to come... stupid say so many times le he is busy wont come she still cannot understand... dumb dumb...

dunno tell her how many times le... if eddie going out with friends no matter what also wont come she just cannot understand... haiis... so difficult to explain things to her...

sian time to go to wwork alr... want daddy to fetch!!!

2009-01-13T11:20:00.003+08:00

im getting use to not meeting you everyday.
sometimes i just wonder why can't you be auto a bit.
thing don't need to wait till ppl say den you can do.
why you dunno how to take the initiative to do something or go some place?
must you always wait for me to tell you?
you dun like me to treat you like how i treat jon but you want me to treat you like how i treat him...
you always wait for me to tell you ask you to go somewhere den you go...
isn't it the same as me calling him around to meet me and do things for me...
if you were to be auto abit more den you wouldn't feel that im treating you like how i treat jon alr...
dun be like a block of wood always need me to tell you or ask you den you will do...
after some time i will get tired of asking...
i know i can never be able to change you but i will just try until one day i am sick and tired of trying...

you say that i have too high expectations

i try to lower my expectations a few times

but still you are still the same

i can't change how you are like

i just need to change myself

2008-12-26T14:47:00.004+08:00

i will always love you no matter what.

i just wanted you to pay more attention to me and to have more time to accompany me and talk to me... things will never be the same again... i know you don't like me to hurt my wrist and so i didn't. no matter how much i feel like hurting myself i still didn't cause i would always think of you...

i guess i really can't turn back time,
can i save what is already gone?
i want everything to be as it is in the past.

2008-11-30T01:27:00.002+08:00

Sat, 29/11/08

although i was sad and unhappy because of baby but i still went to meet up with emily and ynez... left my house at about 12 and went to Ynez's house. went to her house wait for her to be done bathing den we went out... took a cab to ikea cause we were lazy to take a bus... ahaha... went to ikea and we ate meatballs for lunch... hehe... emily and ynez both ate 10pcs each and i ate 15pcs... im so in love with the ikea meatballs... its damn nice... we helped to clear the plates and the aunty actually gave us 3 coupons and we can redeem free drinks... haha... went to walk around the ikea showroom and off we went to bugis cause we were running late... took shuttle bus to bedok interchange and we took train down to bugis... went to the shop bape and the shopkeeper there was like 'pestering'(i can't find a better word to describe) me... went to walk around bugis looking at caps, and sunglasses and we met up with jeremy... hehe... walk over to bugis street to pierce our ear... haha... jeremy, emily and me... the girl who helped me pierce my ear told me that i couldn't eat seafood and so i said ok... the next question she ask me was... in a plate of prawn noodle what can i not eat?... the first thing i said was prawns... but after i thought for a whil den i said the whole plate of prawn noodle i can't eat... and finally she said that was the answer that i was waiting for you to tell me... lol. what a weird question to ask... now i got 5 ear holes going to get more... hehe... if nobody objects... haha... after piercing our ear we took a train down to somerset and we went to cineleisure to look for watches... went to num too to see if there is anything that we can buy there... end up ynez, me and emily went to buy an anklet together... hehe... we walked down to far east and went into stage shop... saw this jacket that i like a lot sia... but baby confirm won't allow me to buy it der... i shall save money to buy it myself... haha... out of far east we went to pacific plaza... was looking at nike shoe and mainly finding for jackets that i can buy... haha... went to a cd shop and i bought 3 dvds... haha... walked out of pacific plaza was already quite late and we haven eaten our dinner yet and we walked to shaw towers and decided on eating at mos burger... emily, ynez and jeremy ate burger and i only bought a corn soup... don't know why when everybody going to start eating emily kept on laughing and she couldn't stop laughing for some time and i started laughing with her too... the two of us just kept laughing about almost everything... emily couldn't finish her burger cause she keep on laughing till she feel very bloated so we sat there for a while and we went to take a train home... and by the time we leave orchard it was already 10.30... we stop laughing only at the train station... took the same train as ynez cause she stay near my house but she drop off at kembangan cause it is more convenient for her... hehe... by the time i reach home it was nearly 12 already... its been such a long time since i go out with my friends till late night... haha... so happy lei...

Thanks Ynez, Emily and Jeremy,

because of you all i felt better today,

at least i am not sad anymore.

2008-11-29T10:47:00.002+08:00

sent baby a very long msg ytd night and he replied one very long sms this morning... one part of the msg he told me that we shouldn't contact or meet for a few days... after reading his whole msg i couldn't get back to sleep and i kept on crying... i stopped crying for a while and calm myself down and i decided to reply one last msg to baby... while replying the msg i started crying again and i had a very strong feeling that after this msg i will not get to talk to baby again... i am so scared that i will not get to see him and talk to him anymore... i miss hugging baby... i feel so stupid... all the while i made him angry and made myself angry was because of one question that i asked him... i already know what the answer would be and yet i still went to ask... i seemed to be fine after asking that question but i clearly know that the answer affected me a lot thats why i reacted in this way... mummy told me sometimes you know the answer le than don't go and ask to know the truth... if you never ask and you don't know the answer you will just assume that you are wrong... so what if you know the truth, end up you will only get yourself hurt... i know what mummy say was right but it was already too late... i have already asked that question and baby have already answered... i know the answer thats why i became like that... why... why am i always so screwed up... how i wish i had not ask baby the question so we wouldn't be like that now... argh i always do something and when i get myself hurt i would regret... i am such an idiot...

2008-11-29T00:04:00.002+08:00

went to school today but i struggled through the whole day... was freaking tired and in the midst of other's team presentation i fell asleep... went to the toilet to wash my face so that i would be awake... but im still tired... really don't feel like going to work today... some more today emily is going to ikea and we are going to eat dinner together so i really dun feel like going for work... haiis... i have got no choice... after school went to ikea with ynez and emily... ynez went to work and me and emily went to the cafe to eat... saw brandon at the cafe and i got shocked... haha... my reaction was funny i thought... den i took a cab to work and after work took a cab back to meet up with emily... didn't do much during work and i was very quiet... didn't have the mood to talk about anything... barry was asking if i quarreled with eddie or something big has happen thats why i look so down but i just said that everything was fine... i told him that i was just tired... but he didn't believe... he delayed for a while before letting me go to discuss about my schedule for work... and so i was late meeting emily... me and emily walked around ikea to look at the showroom... we only went to the bedroom, bathroom and kids section... the rest not interested... hehe... went home at about 9 plus and im lonely again... argh...

i miss eddie... im starting to miss baby a lot... i've already forgotten the time when i last saw him... i miss his hugs and kisses... i miss him holding my hands... but he seems so far away from me now... i miss him but yet when im talking to him i dunno what i should talk to him about and what should i tell him... im starting to forget how he really is like... he is my bf and yet a stranger to me too... i suddenly feel that i don't know him well or maybe i really don't know him well... i miss him, i want to see him but at the same time im also starting to get use to the life without him... this isn't what i want... argh... I Miss Baby So Much!!!!!

2008-11-28T09:41:00.002+08:00

didn't feel like going to school when i wake up today cause i feel very very tired... as usual i am late for school... was never early for class for a long time alr... i was so surprised that even before i leave the house i receive msg from baby... amazing... didn't sleep on the bus today even though im very tired cause i was playing loco roco on my psp and that kept me awake till i reach school... i was dam tired when i reach school... when i reach the class it was quite empty cause most people came late... lol... my class...

just reach class first thing george ask me was if i am leavin early today so that he would know what he should do... was talking to didi online and she was saying that she is going to leave early cause don't like cognitive... then i was tempted to leave liao... cause feeling really very sleepy some more later need to work... shag ar... wanted to leave early go baby's house to sleep before going work... but remembered that today baby after school going to play basketball and i alr told george that i would be staying so i just got to stay... since i got no place to go... damn it...

2008-11-27T23:36:00.002+08:00

parents got problem they nag at me... vent all their anger on me like as if i have no feelings... they have problem i am always the one who will be in trouble just because of them... but when i have problem who can i talk to? who can i vent my anger on? they vent all their anger on me and i got to take in everything and keep it to myself... they are not going crazy but i am... they give me money.. so does that give them the right to vent all their anger on me... wtf... they scold me and shout at me... but when all that happens and i don't know what to do who can i talk to? i got nobody to confide in so what does my parents expect me to do??? i seriously think im better off dead so that i wont get the nagging from them... it totally sucks being an only child... its not i don't like to stay at home but whats the point of staying at home and get involve in their nonsense... i hate my home and i hate this family that i have i hate my parents... people might say i have attitude problem... people might have seen how nice my parents have been but when there is only the 3 of us things are always different... the way i am being treated is always different... being home to me is like being in hell... if i ever have a choice i would rather not stay at home... this house of mine and family just sucks...

2008-11-27T18:51:00.006+08:00

woke up late today so end up i didnt go to school... met up with emily and jeremy at woodlands interchange and off we went to amki hub to meet ynez... hehe... all 4 of us didn't go to school... went to macs for breakfast and we went to KBox to sing... hehe... we went there for KLunch so we settled our lunch in KBox... the air-con was so cold that we were all freezing... Ynez started singing first and her singing was damn nice... jeremy sing like only one song... hahaha.... we finished singing by 2pm and we went to KPool... haha... decided to play there for 1hr before going back... so Ynez and Jeremy stared first as me and Emily didn't wanted to play... haha... but end up i played one round with Ynez without any confidence i thought i would l0se but i dunno how but i won her... its been one yr since i last play pool... i totally suck at playing pool alr... ahaha... should go and play pool more to get better at it... but sad got nobody to go with me alr... haiis... we went to walk around amk hub and we started taking pictures at one end near the lobby where there is nobody... we tried to jump and touch the ceiling but only jeremy manage to do it... end up we started taking photos jumping... and when we are walking emily was taking the camera and taking pictures with everyone of us... haha... after walking around amk hub emily and jeremy took bus home, me and ynez took a train back to woodlands to take 168... wanted to accompany ynez go work and eat meatballs end up she didn't have enough time so i just took a bus with her where she alight at ikea and i went home... intend to go out after i reach home but im lazy so never go out...

im surprised that baby actually didn't sms me or call me to ask where i am just because i didn't sms him or call him either... but why can't he take the initiative to sms me??? argh... to interpret this... he doesn't care about me... haiis... sometimes how i wish when im at home and i never ask to meet he will come and meet me... what happen to baby... for the past one week we don't seemed to be very good... im tired... i suddenly find that it is so difficult for me to communicate with baby... its not i don't want to talk to him but he is so fierce that i don't know how i can talk to him... baby can be really nice at times but this few days he have been very fierce... i really don't know how i can talk to him... why doesn't he know how to sms me first when i don't sms him? must i always be the one to sms him first??? argh...

2008-11-26T09:46:00.002+08:00

baby bought this for me yesterday while we were out... and it is named ZHUson... ahahaha... so cuteeee lei... brought it to school today since my bag is quite empty... haha...

2008-11-24T11:54:00.002+08:00

have i lost myself? im not emo-ing but i just can't be bothered with anything that is around me... im getting lazy to sms and talk on the phone... i dun feel like using my phone anymore... i feel like taking a few days break and leave the country... off my phone and not contact anybody... i want to sleep and never wake up... i want to leave this place i suddenly don't like the place where i am... everything feel different now... what is done seems like it cant be changed anymore... i want what i have last time... damn...

2008-11-23T22:36:00.002+08:00

to think i always put baby in the first place for every single thing i do and for everything that i have and yet the reply i get from him was a totally different answer... feel so stupid... i feel like an idiot... i want the baby that i knew previously... the baby that was sometimes fierce to me but after a while very nice and caring... baby that will always praise me and say nice things about me... what happen to the baby i knew??? i seemed to lost him alr... i seemed to lost everything in my life... whatever i do now is all wrong to him... so whats right? i sense that im giving up soon cause i dunno what to do... baby i miss you!!!

2008-11-23T16:10:00.002+08:00

what a bad day it is for me today... woke up late for work and the worse thing was the key is with me... everybody was waiting for me to go and open the shop... damn... first thing in the morning saw baby's message saying that i was irresponsible like as if i purposely didn't want to turn up for work... i felt damn sad cause didn't expect baby to say that of me... suddenly i felt like i can't trust anybody anymore cause even baby can't trust me... it was my fault to wake up late but right after im awake i answered their calls and told them where i was... i wasn't irresponsible... im placed last between baby's friend, work and me... i can't believe this is how important i am to him... he said without work den he got no money no future den cannot have me... am i that expensive?? this few days baby's words are very hurting... he said i was selfish, irresponsible, say i make people angry, scolded me cb... what else can he scold me? why not say im irritating, tell me he don't like me... maybe if he finish scolding all at once i would feel better den i won't be tortured for a few days hearing how mean can he be to me... whats wrong with baby this few days? where is baby whom i used to know to be very nice to me, make me feel that im always placed first in everything, who will tolerate me and think for me... baby has never been so mean to me before not ever since i know him till now... after work was supposed to go out with baby but i decided not to cause he said he was having a headache and to prevent him from saying that im selfish for not giving him his time i decided not to ask him out... its not like i dun want to see him but i just don't dare to ask... anyways without asking i alr know what is the answer... reached home thought mummy will be home to talk to me but when i was home nobody was around and mummy didn't even call to ask where i am today... nobody wants me alr? not even baby wants me... im just a pathetic person whom nobody wants... i suppose if anything happen to me nobody will bother... whats the point of treating everybody so nice just to make everybody happy and like me when people doesn't appreciate it... like baby i treat him so nice but he still says mean things to me... i didn't mean to hang his call on purpose but he claims that i did it out to irritate him... wow... thanks... that made my day since morning... what a nice start seeing people saying that i am irresponsible and that i irritate people... who can come and comfort me now??? im so pathetic... i miss baby whom i used to know... the piglet that was very nice that will never say anything mean to me...

2008-11-22T11:59:00.003+08:00

for so long today is the first day i work weekends afternoon... hehe. i get to work with baby lei... but sad im the cashier den baby is always outside der... poor baby today got to clean the rooftop when the weather is so hot... haiis... so worried for him neh... later he fall sick den got to see doctor again... haiis... can't wait to see baby later... wondering if he is working tmr... if not working den tmr we can go out together... hehe... but tmr i got work so we can only go out after i finish work... can't take anymore off days cause i have been taking a lot of off days already... feel like changing job again but what job can i change to... like my job but i don't like the people there anymore its not what it used to be like... everybody left and im still there... the only thing that is motivating me to work now is that cause baby is working at the same place where im working at... got to go to work soon and the wether is so bloody hot that i don't feel like leaving the house... argh... i dread to go to work today... :(

2008-11-18T09:37:00.002+08:00

17/11/08

didn't go to school today cause i woke up extremely late and i reached woodlands at about 10 which is very late. just reach woodlands only i went to take a bus to parkway. sian lo went to parkway alone but at least i saw things that i like but can't waste money so i can't buy things... like also cannot buy. cause eddie confirm say i anyhow spend money. if i tell him i want to buy this buy that he confirm scold de lor... sians... can see cannot buy... haiis. after i done walking around at parkway got no place to go so i went to take bus 15 and went to eddie's house. was at his house till 3 cause he need to go to work. took a cab to east coast cause he said he was late for work. stayed there for a while den i went to parkway to buy contact lens cause i dun have perfect eyesight. sobs. on the way back stop at bubble tea shop to buy double oreo chocolate ice-blend for eddie dear dear. i so nice right. haha. stayed at east coast with him till 7 plus den i wet back home cause never tell mummy that im going out... and she also dun allow me to go to east coast. haiis. mummy cook dinner and i didn't eat cause waiting for dear dear to finish work den i eat with him. stayed at home and watch tv while waiting for eddie to finish work. ate my dinner only at 10 plus... dear only left my house at about 11.30.

anyways,.. Happy 3 Months Anniversary!

2008-11-16T23:41:00.003+08:00

anniversary anniversary... its getting more and more not important... if this continues on i suppose i will even forget whats so special about the day...its just 3 months together but we are having so much problem. whats wrong? we are always fine for a few days and after that we are not. there is just too many problems between us but i don't even know what is the problem about. everything is making me feel miserable. i once thought i could prove people wrong about us being together was a mistake but somehow im not very sure about that myself now. but whatever choice i make now, i would still regret... i dunno what i can do... somebody tell me what should i do. im goin crazy soon...
when you left me just like that i was shocked and pissed off. shock because i didn't expect you to have done that. pissed was because you left without even saying bye to me... saw you online and tried to talk to you but you just dun want to reply me... can you pls tell me what you want from me? i dunoo what i can do the only thing i could do was to cry... i can't stop crying... damn... everytime i see the ring i felt worse... dun have the mood to go to school tmr...

im falling sick. AGAIN... this shouldn't be happening but i dunno why is it happening again... everytime i see a doctor it is just a waste of my money... argh... sick sick sick.

where's my piglet? i miss him...

2008-11-16T02:07:00.002+08:00

15/11/2008

was late for work in the morning today and i took a cab to work. wasn't feeling well in the morning and i vomitted. didn't do much for work today as i wasn't feeling well and not in the mood to work. so i became the cashier and i kept trying to find for time when i can sit down to rest. i just feel so lethargic and my stomach hurts. tonight having crew night and i got to stay till late night. however i really feel like going home to rest after work. even though, i stayed till 8 to attend crew night cause eddie planned it and i thought it wouldn't be nice if i didn't go. no matter how tired and how unwell i am i still attended the crew night. not because i want to get my pay but because eddie planned it. took all my cheques and i still have one more to take. wonder when am i going to get it. jeremy fetch me and eddie and kim back together since he was going to somewhere near where we are going to. its another tring day of work tmr for me again. im so freaking tired.

2008-11-14T09:30:00.003+08:00

woke up late today morning... mum is still showing me her stupid attitude and still throwing things at me so i really can't be bothered to ask her to help me out. i rather be late for school den asking her to help me prepare my things... left the house only at 7.30 and i definitely know im extremely late... took a bus to school but surprisingly i was late only for about 10min... i think i reach school too early. don't like cognitive... i would feel even better if i can have a choice of not even coming to school...

today's problem is shit... i dun even understand what is it talking about. not even after i finish reading the problem statement. im totally not following with what the class is doing. how i wish i can change team... i dread to be with this team. argh...

2008-11-13T12:32:00.003+08:00

today woke up late and i was damn late for ut... haiis... and louis, we are suppose to meet up at 8.15 at woodlands end up all late... he was even later than me. haha... wanted to leave early today but since i know how to solve today's problem i decided to stay in school. after school its free time! told mummy that i was going out and surprisingly she never say anything... wakaka. ytd pack the presents for skatesports crew till im tired lei. 1 plus den sleep... im so tired. thinking of where i can go today after school cause i really got no idea where i can go today... haiis...

was trying to solve maths equations today but met with equations that have 5 variables im stuck. i was totally lost i could only solve the equations with 3 variables. maybe im just stupid. haha. no im not i mange to solve equations k. at least i tried. we finished school at almost 5 today and im teamed with angie, emily, yang yi and jia min. walked to interchange with uncle louis, yang yi, danny, fatin and yue ming. wanted to accompany yue ming to bishan but mummy was waiting for me at home to eat dinner so i went home first. after dinner went home to bath and went to meet kim at bedok inter to pass her the presents for skatesports crew this coming saturday. took bus 25 to eddie's house to find for him cause i need to take psp charger from him. got to charge my psp. no batt le.. currently so addicted to playing loco roco... haha... dear dear send me back home after i went to his house den stay at my house for a while den he go back... hehe... tmr he got to help me bring my skates to tampines cause i got coaching at tampines but got school before that... sorry eddie dear dear to mah fan you...

2008-11-12T15:34:00.003+08:00

hehe... so happy eddie pass his bike rtt ytd and prac 4 today... no confidence but still pass.. cause he got 226234 blessing. haha. hope he gets his bike licensed soon. don't say i dun allow you to ride bike hor. although i really dun like you to ride bike cause i think that it is dangerous. i care for you. but since you like to ride bike what can i say lei. if i dun allow i think next time eddie won't want me alr. haha. think too much. 226234 ILOVEYOU!

ytd left school at about 1.30pm, went to meet eddie dear dear. was supppose to meet him at his house but i met him at his school bus stop. was suppose to go to his school bus stop to change bus and before i reach there he alr tell me he left school le also dunno what he doing at the bus stop. haha. but anyways got people to accompany me take bus is always very nice. went to eddie dear dear's house cause he need to change out of his uniform before he can go out... mah fan de ren... but not very mah fan cause i love him. hehe... we went to eunos mrt station to take mrt suppose to go to takashimaya but eddie suggested me to go to bugis to do manicure so anything lor. gave my manicurist a call and we went to bugis. end up went to do manicure eddie saw his secondary school friend cause working at the shop where im doind my manicure and my usual manicurist geraldine came while im painting my nails. eddie and his friend went to smoke while geraldine took over and continued painting my nails. haha... after doing manicure went to bugis junction for a walk, we went to basement to buy food to eat... took a bus home and somebody scratched one of my nail... was dam sad can... destroy my nails. bloody hell.

went home and watch zhuan jiao yu dao ai by 11 eddie dear dear say he want to go home le cause very late alr. i was looking dam sad lor. how i wish he lives just opp my block or same block different level or best staying together. like that i will have a big big bolster. haha. im not trying to say that you are fat dear. but you are indeed bigger than my bolster. hehe... but nvm going to see eddie again tmr cause we are going to east coast. hehe.

today morning wake up late rush out of the house cause i remembered that i got to meet louis. however when i reaching woodlands interchange he said he just wake up. haiis... den he never come school. but anyways congrats to uncle louis. pass your prac 8 liao hor. next month 18 TP liao hor. must pass lei... hehe...

today slack in class the whole day cause i only want to watch zhuan jiao yu dao ai now... hehe... forget to take money from mummy today and damn i dun need to eat. luckily i got a group of nice friends and ugine offered to lend me money. thanks Ugine and not forgetting Alex too. ate laksa but right after that my gastric pain is back. sian. was never feeling well. im always ill. damn. didn't contribute anything to my team today and that made me felt very bad. thought my presentation is going to be another disaster but it turned out well though. i guess it was 226234 blessing. hehe. received sms from eddie dear dear and he send me this to figure out 45683968866. thanks dear. i know what it mean.

ILOVEYOU! 226234.

2008-11-07T09:35:00.004+08:00

BABY I'M SORRY!!!
mummy haven decide if we are going to BINTAN but im still very happy... HAHA... cause there is a very high chance that she will bring me to BINTAN!!!! im so excited!... i can't wait for her to tell me her decision... but if she were to say that we are not going den i will be very very sad... but its ok.. if she is not going to bring me to bintan den i shall go to sentosa... haha... can go and relaxed and play with my niece and nephew... today came to school late and leaving school early cause im going to town to watch The Coffin!!! its a horror show i know but i dun care!.... haha... can't wait till 2nd break...

2008-11-06T19:00:00.002+08:00

its been a long time since i update my blog...
was sick for nearly one week... gastric pain to fever, flu and soar throat... and medicine doesn't work that well. the fever would subside and after i will have fever again. when am i going to get well??? hate to swallow pills and drink cough syrup everyday... it makes me feel so drowsy that i cannot concentrate in anything that i do... im still sick and im going back to work soon and if i don't get enough rest im going to fall sick again then it will be worse... i don't want to go for work yet... have not rest enough... this week's daily grade in school is like shit cause have been going to school for only half-day... damn... tmr is another half-day cause classmates decided to go and watch Coffin... although its scary but i have decided to go and watch it... although im sick but the best thing is mummy is considering taking me to bintan!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA.....

2008-10-20T10:48:00.003+08:00

as i expected, i went to school myself today... nvm... its just like any other day when i go to school myself... haiis... nothing cheers me up now... will be home by about 8 today and i got nothing to do... damn... its been such a long time since i go home so early on a weekday... to think that im going to see boyfriend i really dunno how i can talk to him... haiis... anyway got to focus in school... screwed up.

2008-10-19T22:41:00.002+08:00

i feel so dumb!!! so bloody fucking stupid!!! why did i even sit at the staircase expecting him to come..... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!! kill myself lar!!! boyfriend just disappoints me so much... tell me what can i do???!!! FUCKING DUN FEEL LIKE GOING TO SCHOOL TMR!!!!!!!

2008-10-19T19:15:00.003+08:00

say to go out with me in the end go work... fine lor... never feel so fucking miserable in my whole entire life before can... wtf... other people's bf can put down work just to go out with their gf but me... i just got nothing to say... i can cry at home and quarrel with my mum but got nobody to talk to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh.............. officially dun feel like going to school tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK lar!

2008-10-09T23:15:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUE MING!!!

celebrated yue ming's birthday in class today... and we made a mess in the classroom... ahaha... and after that we got to clean up thats like sian lor... anyway left school early and i went to find boyfriend at his house... wakaka... at first say dun wan to go but in the end still go le... haha... went to his house to pei him den at night he follow me home... ate instant noodle at home lei... so long never eat liao... haha... anyway eddie brought my skates home and tmr he going to bring it for me to go to east coast... haha... he intend to go skating but i haven promise him to go... im lazy and tired thats why... haha... sorry dear... i will try to find for the mood to go skating with you kaes... i will try to be on form tmr... ahaha... anyway got to go sleep before eddie beats my backside for not sleeping early... must be a good girl... cause HE'S MINE. and very IMPORTANT to me... I OWN HIM! haha... Dear i love you. Muacks.

2008-10-08T23:06:00.001+08:00

im confused and pissed off with myself!!!

2008-10-02T08:34:00.002+08:00

dear im truly very sorry. i know my mistakes le. im sorry.

2008-10-02T01:38:00.004+08:00

the worse day ever...
im never going to get him back alr... my eyes swollen, bad headache, flu... how much more worse can i get in a day??!! damn its just so screwed up... i want baby back! i want eddie wee! omg!!! the more i talk to him the more i feel like killing myself. Fuck... Baby is so important to me. i want him back. i want baby so badly. Damn... dunno what i do that make baby angry but he is just so angry with me... well i didnt attitude him as he said so i was just to tired to look happy... i didn't know what went into my mind that i thought of breaking up with him... oh well... i regret sending that msg out after that... took a lift up to 6th floor and down and walk to my aunty's house void deck... baby actually followed... i was talking to joseph on the phone so ididnt talk to him... and he look too fierce for me to talk to... i think the way i talk and act just pissed baby off so much that he even agreed with the break up... oh well... obviously i regret... when i decided to walk home got to cross the road but i didn't even look where i was going... told joseph that i feel like dying... that was true i seriously feel like dying... but whatever it is i will never get baby back again...

baby im sorry... baby i want you back...

2008-09-26T13:33:00.003+08:00

feel so lazy today. don't feel like going for coaching lei... im so so so tired... my eyes is hurting so very badly... probably i cried too much ytd... sian... don't feel like leaving the school lei... i miss boyfriend so much... and he is sick lor so worried for him... stubborn like one bull dun wan to go and see doctor... im so not feeling well can... haiis... and im still in school blogging which means im going to be late alr... cause im not going to be able to make it on time to meet barry at dover... but i can't really care la... hope today is also yu zhong, jess, idris, barry and me then it will be more relaxing for me... cause if jess coach with me for sure she will help me de... but if idris and yu zhong den i got to take care of myself alr... die ar... stress sia... everytime before coaching im always so stress... haiis... gtg leave school soon late for coaching alr... haiis... Laogong I Miss You so much!!!

2008-09-25T20:48:00.002+08:00

im on the verge of killing myself already... mum came back and saw me crying and there comes a whole lot of questions... quarrelled with eddie? got scolded? somebody came to find trouble with you? wth... stop bombing me with all that stupid questions which you know i will never answer... and thanks she got to add fuel to the fire by asking why didn't eddie pick you up from school today.... WOW! what a nice question to ask... that is obviously why i called her to fetch me and obviously why im crying!!!! are you stupid or what... while i was crying so badly boyfriend sms me... one of his sms was if you are angry with me that means you dun care that im sick, if you are not angry that means you are very understanding... so does it mean that if im angry im no understanding? YES. okay! nice one... i will always rmb this damn bloody sms... next time when im sick i dun want it to be like the last time when i go to his house... im not angry but just feel so fucked up... boyfriend if you are going to read this and you get angry with me i got nothing to say. today you feel like you are dying almost every other day i feel like im dying sia... whenever i step into school only i feel like im going to die alr... if everybody were to drive me nuts i think i will just jump off the building one day... im so sick and tired of my life... my dumb boyfriend is seriously dumb... told him that i got no mood to sms and i purposely said good night... bloody hell which day of the year do i go to bed so fucking early... and he actually replied the same thing... wtf... its obvious im sad why cant you find for something to talk to me about???!!! the reason why i was saying that was practically because i find that i totally got nothing to tell you or say to you cause of what happen today... den why cant you be more understanding towards me... for your information officially im not going to see you for 3 days. if you dunno why is it 3 i will tell you why... today is 1, tmr i have coaching till late night and you most probably will be working and that will be 2, saturday you are definitely working that will be 3. WOW! isn't that so wonderful 3 days of not meeting each other... i think as you are reading this you are getting very angry but i dun care anymore thats the only way i can vent my anger and the only way for me to say out all my problems... and while im typing this im still crying very badly...

2008-09-25T19:21:00.004+08:00

nobody ever keep their promise to me... say want to fetch me from school all never come... wth... if like that next time dun say and make me happy and after that ruin my mood can... im just so easily affected can... it just make me so miserable can... walking and crying definitely dun look nice... boyfriend was like that but he was sick so i got nothing to say... mum say until so nice want to come and fetch me in the end ask me go yishun to meet her.... wth... if i need to go there just for you to fetch me home den i might as well go home myself... and say want to come and fetc h me pls do it dun say and never... den say for what FUCK... dun waste saliva waste energy waste phone bill and electricity lar... den like that ruin my day like nobody business... ya cause nobody care for me... WHATEVER. promise to come and fetch me den never come... pls la... people dun make empty promises to me if not when i attitude all angry with me... if i was the one who say that im going to meet you and last minute say i dun wan to go for boyfriend or mum both of you confirm is attitude de lor... so what expect me to be so nice den you all like that... wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!! boyfriend like to ask me to go home early... now im home early but who is at home??? NOBODY!!! only me... for what i come home so early and face the laptop crying... hate everything around me now!!! now i post this and afterwards there will be people who is angry with me... whatever. *Claire decided not to answer calls or reply sms today cause she is just so hurt.

2008-09-25T16:05:00.002+08:00

thought boyfriend will come to school and fetch me but he never cause he is not feeling well... want to be angry also cannot... sian... also dunno i go to school for what sia.. waste my time nia... doing presentation is all the way sian de lor... expressionless... almost cried while doing ppt but never.. if not will look so unglam... sucks sia... so lazy to do anything now... i want to go home and sleep... sibei sian ar...

2008-09-24T09:16:00.003+08:00

from today onwards not going to meet my dear till maybe the next tuesday... sad... didn't feel like going to school today so called him to ask if i can meet him but he ask me to go to school... was dam angry can. he can actually sms me to tell me that i got to take care fo my attendance... pls lor i go to school or not i think my attendance still the same bah... wth. haiis... im so dam pissed off until i took a pen and started scratching my wrist... sad never bleed... i just want to see him so badly. shall update my blog again tonight if i have the time...

2008-09-18T14:39:00.012+08:00

my mood is definitely not going to get any better... im still so pissed off... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i might just kill myself!!!! hahah.... even after school im still so depressed!!! didn't go to where i planned to go before i ended school... decided to take a bus back to bedok and probably go to eddie's house... but even on the way back it sucks!!!! fell asleep while waiting for bus and the person next to me got to wake me up which make me look so dumb!!!! omg!!! on the way back the journey was bloody damn long!!!! i will not and will never take a bus home after school if im alone! if all my friends are not in school i will not go to school too... what stupid shit did i do to go and listen to somebody and stayed in school to make my day worse... wtf!!!!! wanted to go to his house to meet him but send him an sms his reply was sleeping really tired. den forget it. if i were to go he got to fetch me and i dunno what time will that be and i got damn school again tmr!!!!! since you are tired i will let you sleep till you are not feeling tired den ask me to meet you... cause currently i dun have enough rest and im fucking pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!! whats the point of meeting you when im so pissed off den after you get angry with me cause i show you attitude... but anyway it doesnt make any difference cause you are alr pissed off with me i suppose... WHATEVER... im alr very pissed off and you just can't be a bit nicer to me... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so depressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kns... tmd... ccb... fcb... knn... wth... wtf... argh!!!!!!

2008-09-18T14:39:00.011+08:00

one day three post... whoa...

to boyfriend: dear sorry for sending you a reply which is so attitude... im seriously sorry. im just too tired already... and by reading this i know you would be more angry because of the paragraph above. im not saying that you are not good and i didnt praise you... but in my heart you are always the best to me de kaes... don't get it wrong... the person i was trying to say is just my friend. i dun wan later you read le unhappy or sad. i still love you de... i felt bad for showing you attitude and from the start i alr told you not to talk to me cause i will pissed you off but you insist that you want to talk to me and that you wouldnt be angry... end up you are still angry with me... haiis... dear ar dear... next time i attitude you better stay away from me la if not you will get angry again... haiis... anyway dear sorry kaes. i will try to change my attitude de. lao po ai ni~! Muacks~!

2008-09-18T14:39:00.005+08:00

PISSED OFF!!!!!
firstly didnt update my blog ytd night cause i was too damn tired to do so... and i am very lazy...
secondly i dun understand why *.... is so stupid... i was so trying to be sacarstic but somehow the person just dun get it... freaking pissing me off... the reason why i dun tell anybody or say anything was because i seriously think that person wouldn't be bothered even if i said it out... damn! do i have to tell you everything to let you know what im thinking of??? why can't you interpret it yourself???!!! argh!!! not in the freaking mood to do anything today cause im just so so so so so pissed off and that feeling is so difficult for me to describe... and even if i were to do anything i think i will go crazy going around throwing things cause i just freaking drop my phone on the floor but i didnt even bother... im so dam fucking pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *didnt tell you or say anything was because i dun want you to be angry with me i don't want you ot attitude me cause it will make me worse...
lastly, with my very bad mood today which is already enough for me to go crazy with... today's module problem is adding on to it... omg... it is so freaking difficult and i didnt understand almost every sentence... ask boyfriend if i can chabbot but the answer he gave was like can you stop tthinking of chabboting... my immediate reaction was like fine fucking stay in school and get more pissed off... argh!!!!!!!!!! didnt even try to understand why i want to chabbot... wt*... knn... kns... tmd... ccb... fcb... im so damn fucking pissed off!!! this feeling makes me feel so suffocated and feel like crying out loud... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! currently running away from everything will be a better choice...
*the news today: George actually left the class after first break-out.... haha.... im so amaze...

2008-09-17T09:21:00.002+08:00

Happy 1 Month Anniversary!!!

me and my dear together for one month already... time past so fast... today never go to school cause im going out later... updating my blog at my baby's house and he is still sleeping... he is a piggy. got nothing to do but i also dun feel like sleeping so i might as well update my blog and also do a bit of shopping online... haha... gonna waste money again... plan to go to orchard later... the place where my dear baby don't like to go... haha... and im making him wear the shoe that he treasure so much that he wont want to wear... haha... baby shoe buy le dun keep and put as display take it out and wear it... if not its a waste of money lor.. haha... so happy later going to town lei... its been a long time since i been there... almost forget the place alr... cant wait to go there soon... shall go and wake baby up... haha... shall update my blog again at night....

2008-09-12T09:29:00.002+08:00

in school but not in class...
got to leave the class early so i might as well dun go... sitting inside the library wasting time cause so early in the morning i also got no other place for me to go to... also can finish up the diary... however im not doing much and im feeling so freaking cold in this library... dunno why today eddie sms me i attitude him. dunno why but i just did it... argh... whats wrong with me... i miss him so much yet i attitude him... got to finish writing the diary and go to his house and apologize... today is a busy day for me... schedule is just so packed... got to go for CIS coaching and after that got coaching for open class Tampines and after that i got Crew Night... its pay day again but im just so shag alr... wondering where we are skating to today... hope it is not somewhere far away like from pasir ris to changi village... that makes me feel like we took yrs to reach there... its raining cats and dogs and im just wondering how i can leave the school... today just sucks... bad bad day...

2008-09-10T18:35:00.003+08:00

what a bad day it is today... back to my hiding place again after so long. so much memories here and i guess only one person know about my hiding. a place that i would come when im sad or frustrated. second day of school... so boring, tiring, and pissed off!!! everything is not going the way i want it to be... argh... im so tired of my life. so tired of living in this world. i want everything that has been around me to be out of my life and my world. i want to be alone. i want to be left alone. i dun care if people were to hate me i just want to be alone! it just sucks when you are with friends and... so much problem will arise and sometimes you just can't solve the problem... im just so sick and tired of my life. feel like crying out loud and im in need for a shoulder to lean on but who can i find for??? i always thought i have a lot of friends but they are friends that i could hang out and have fun with but not friends that i could tell my problems to and lean on their shoulder to cry out loud... friends are so easy to find but to find true friends it is just so difficult... argh!!! im so pissed off with myself... could i just kill myself??? hahaha.... if i were to try it i think it will be fun... ok i think im crazy but i love the crazy me... im the way i am. take it or leave it.

2008-09-10T14:09:00.002+08:00

its another day in school...
life is just so boring in class... nothing motivates me to work hard... nothing motivates me to participate in the class or in the group... i just can't be bothered or can't be any better in the class... i need something to motivate me!!! i feel like quitting school! argh... this is so not my class and not my type of friends that i want... i hate school! how i wish i can meet him now... seriously got no mood for presentation or any other thing... im so bored... so fucking bored... damn... just wondering why i have such a bad attitude which affects me in everything that i do... don't want to be like this but im just like that... this feeling just sucks. it makes me feels miserable and i might easily offend people around me... haiis... i feel so fucked up now... i need a rest... i want to stay away from everything and anything that i am doing or have now... im so tired of the life that i go through everyday... i want to run away!

2008-09-03T10:37:00.002+08:00

New Class!!!
the first impression of my classmates when i step into the class is they are a bunch of very boring people... sad to say they can't be much compared to my previous class W35G... life in my previous class is just way too fun and they are all jokers that we can really mix around with... i miss W35G badly and hope so much that i didn't have to change class... argh... im pissed off. can't wait for school to end and im going to walk out of scool at the pace almost like how i run cause i can't stand the class... its just too boring... sian in school and i got nobody to talk to... my dear still sleeping, call him never answer... i think he too tired until he dunno that his phone is ringing le... this few days must wake up in the morning come meet me... so poor thing lei... haha... dear how i wish school haven't started yet cause i really dun have the school mood... haiis... i can foresee what will happen to me for the next 7 weeks... i definitely can't survive and will always chabbot school... hahas... i dun wan and have no interest to come anymore... this just sucks like shit... dear be prepared to open the door for me in the morning in the next seven weeks cause i will go to your house and seek help there... haha...

money money money....
haven't get my pay but i already have a whole list of things that i want to buy... damn it... but what i really need now is a bloody hp pouch... my phone is having more and more scratches and i think disfigured by me... haven't been taking good care of my phone... freak!!! made up my mind im going to buy a hp pouch by today... i hope so... im too busy to go to a place and buy things... weekdays is school, work and boyfriend and sometimes friend... weekends is work, boyfriend and skating... haiis... im so busy... or rather im making myself busy just to runaway from things that i dun want to face or i dun dare to face... haiis...

im so stress!!!!!