Friday, August 29, 2008
Love You Always!!!
haha... after all the problems and ppl saying why we shouldn't be together we are still together lei... haiis it wasn't a very nice experience lei... no matter how ppl would criticise you and say that you are not compatible with me... i don't care... i will still be with you... although there are times when i would show attitude and emo just because i heard of comments that actually affected me a lot... but after a while i still will get through it and everything will be back to normal again... sorry dear if i have been showing you attitude... dun angry kaes... later become old uncle... i will try to sayang you more de... haha... anyway thanks dear for being so sweet... you bought me the watch that i have always wanted... THANKS. i stupid stupid go with you to pw look at the watch didn't expect that the next day you would buy it for me lor... haha... why you so cute de... haha... anyway i appreciate what you have done for me... but really dun need waste money to buy that watch for me de... you buy le den not enough money go take your bike practical and theory test lei... haiis... you have always wanted to take the test de lei... now because of me you cannot take le sorry dear... sian almost everyday see you but this coming saturday you going out drink i not going to meet you le... sian lei... everytime i work i will hear of the bad comments about you... wonder how long this would last... why ppl can't just mind their own business lei... its my choice and my life... how i want to ruin it or make it better is my problem lei... and even if i really ruin it i will just learn from mistakes and not repeat it the next time... why make a fuss when everything just started.. if i dun try i will never know... anyway ppl who have alr gave your comments thanks ar... you can continue giving me comments and advice but im not going to accept any... i believe in only myself... sad if you ppl think im very self-centered... but thats just me... accept the way i am cause i dun change for other ppl.
anyway dear no matter what ppl say about you or our relationship i will still stick to you de.
Labels: dear love you.
Blogged at :
12:19:00 AM
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Its Over i suppose...
the time we spend together was just so short... or rather i limited it to only for a few days... have been talking to i**** almost everyday... well there were some things that he said that was quite accurate though... i could not deny that he could really foresee what is happening in me... what he said to me in the shop today really touched my heart and i almost cried in the shop but i didnt... before i could even finish talking to him eddie was alr there... wanted to go to the beach and have some quiet time alone but was so tempted to skate... but while i was skating i did forget what he had ask me about if somebody were to choose between his good friend and his gf who would he choose... obviously i know the answer was his good friend... how about what am i to the somebody compared to his good friend... practically nothing... well i know the answer myself and yet im still deceiving myself... the thing that i need to do and should do is... TO STOP TALKING TO HIM... but i can't bring myself to do that... i need help... i need somebody to talk to... i need a shoulder to lean on and cry... im so lost and i really dunno what i can do... think about so many things while i was at the beach alone sitting down and repeating asking myself the same question that i**** had asked me... although i had the answer for it but still i cant come to any decision... and i am trying to find ways to change the answer just to convince myself that it is not what i thought... but answer still remain the same after so long... im so confused... Argh... life is always so miserable for me... haiis...
Labels: i need an answer...
Blogged at :
11:48:00 PM
im so confused...
there is a person who have been telling me that you are not the guy for me and other than the two of us there is always another girl in the picture... well i thought that wouldn't be true and i ignored it... but sooner or later i realise that it was like what he has said to me... everything that we do or say you would eventually link back to her... well or maybe you are just close to her and very good friends but somehow it is things that most girlfriends can't except from their boyfriend... you could say that im unreasonable but if i really didn't care this would mean that i didn't love you at all... although i could act like i didn't mind but each and everytime you talk about her it hurts me... im fine really perfectly fine... but when facing you it is so stress cause everytime when i look at you the person i see is her... with you and her im the extra one... without her im the only one but it is quite obvious that she is always on your mind... for the two days when she ask to meet the both of you i was reluctant cause i would look like a retard... i know definitely i will show attitude de and you will be angry with me... i reject and reject but after all i went to meet you all cause i really want to see you... even if it means that i got to spend all my money taking cab, get scolding from my mother and also you being angry with me i still went to meet you two JUST TO SEE YOU... well after all the foolish things that i have done, it made me realise that doing that was not worth it... i know when you see this you will be angry but i dun really care anymore... this is tthe only way i could relieve the pain and stress that i have... tonight i sms to ask you if i had a very close friend and is a guy would you be unhappy... your reply obviously tell me that you would be unhappy or rather you would even break up with me... well by those sms you were alr quite unhappy... why not change the position of the people and you are the one who is asking me this question... obviously i would be unhappy if you have a very close friend and is a girl... i mean even if i act nice and look like im fine but IM NOT!!! put yourself in my position and then tell me how you would feel... there was so many times when i feel like telling you that we should stop talking to each other but i didn't do so cause i know i would go crazy...
when i was typing this blog post i was crying when i was smsing you and typing it i was crying very badly... you thought i ask all that question cause i want to go out with other guys... but you didnt think that i ask that cause i want you to understand how i feel about you and her... both of you could say that you are just good friends but to other people you all look more like a couple... crying is not something im best at but i just can't control my tears from running down my cheek... i really hope you would read my blog. hope you could understand, but im just having too much hope...
Labels: sad and disappointed...
Blogged at :
12:38:00 AM
Monday, August 11, 2008
both online but we never talk... is it going to be that way forever... whenever i see you online i just feel like talking to you but i know whatever i say will not work now... i admit that it was my fault but never did i knew that i need to pay a price so high... must you be so cruel to me??? there were so many other options that you could choose to manage that anger but you chose to but you choose to stop talking to me and not even be friends... why must you put me in a position so difficult... why can't you be more understanding? why can't you be nicer to me? WHY? my life gets more and more miserable as time past... even though if i were to say sorry to you or rather to beg for your forgiveness i suppose you wouldn't entertain it anymore... well i understand how you felt that day but i really didn't mean it... so what if i ask for your forgiveness? so what if i say sorry to you? would you forgive me??? im truly very sorry.
Labels: everything is just so different without you....
Blogged at :
1:21:00 PM
Missing you!!!
its been for 6 days since the last time you talk to me... saw your msn nick which made me felt bad... well you are never going to read my blog and you will never know... how i wish you could be more understanding but sadly you are not... sometimes i wonder all those messages that you send to me before you go to court was all lies... well i suppose you are going to say that you did not... but actions shows it all... just because i was going to your house later then the time when i should be there you just got angry with me and i got nothing that i can do... well for the first few days i thought that i could get on with life without you but somehow is wasn't as easy as i thought... there was so many times when i wanted to send you a message to say sorry to you but i just couldn't get myself to send that message out to you... sometimes i feel like it is just so difficult for me to say sorry... and i am just so afraid that your reply towards me would be so can't be bothered or rather you would not even reply me... and so to my own conclusion i give up the thought of smsing you... although i have act and look like im happy even without you and i can't even be bothered but its not what it is like when im alone... how i wish we could turn back time and it just stays at the day before you go to court when we still treasure each other so much... people often treasure things after they lose it and it leads to regret... thats what is happening to me now... times when i past by your house have the urge to turn in and go up to your house just to say hi... well i suppose you wouldn't entertain that... knowing that you were going to skate with hester i thought i got a chance to see you for the last and only one time but you didnt come... i didnt show any disappointment or feel sad just to not let anybody know that i care... but i have always hope that you would come on that day not to skate but at least come to the shop... i mayb playing and going out almost everyday but somehow im not even sure of what im doing... you deleted me from your friendster which made me sad but gladly you didnt delete me from your msn... there was a few times when i wanted to add you again on friendster but from your character i suppose you would just reject it so i didnt do anything about it... well live still have to go on without you and i would try my very best to forget you which i think it would be impossible...
Labels: im sorry...
Blogged at :
12:20:00 AM
Saturday, August 9, 2008
its been a long time since i updated my blog. everyday busy 'chabboting' school... lol. finally all the nonsense is over. stopped talking to eddie already cause he is angry with me and im with jonathan now... haha... today's ping siang's sister birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! well we went to this chinese cafe or something and we got a free drink MILK TEA... it is in a TUB. obviously we couldn't finish the drink cause it is just so big... its free so its ok... haha... i drank like 2 cups and i felt so bloated.. never in my life had i drink so much milk tea before... i suppose i wont drink milk tea for a long time.. phoebia(is it spelt like that???)... haha... anyway saw this bag at bugis street which i like but that would mean that i have no reasons to buy my LV or Gucci bag alr... boring... the amount of money i can spend is like so limited now... pathetic... never felt so poor before... haiis... miss going shopping like last time when i could buy almost everything that i want... but now i think i can only spend about $100 a day... can't wait to get my pay soon and i will go to Armani Exchange and Levi's!!! haha... looking forward to my pay day... its just one week away... and holidays soon!!! just go to school for another 2 more days and i have 3 weeks break... haven have any plans of where i want to go and what i want to do... sians... life is just so boring without enough money lei... can't go sentosa, can't go shopping... boredem...
Labels: SHOPPING....
Blogged at :
12:05:00 AM