& a million words said , just to keep you by my side .

Friday, September 26, 2008

feel so lazy today. don't feel like going for coaching lei... im so so so tired... my eyes is hurting so very badly... probably i cried too much ytd... sian... don't feel like leaving the school lei... i miss boyfriend so much... and he is sick lor so worried for him... stubborn like one bull dun wan to go and see doctor... im so not feeling well can... haiis... and im still in school blogging which means im going to be late alr... cause im not going to be able to make it on time to meet barry at dover... but i can't really care la... hope today is also yu zhong, jess, idris, barry and me then it will be more relaxing for me... cause if jess coach with me for sure she will help me de... but if idris and yu zhong den i got to take care of myself alr... die ar... stress sia... everytime before coaching im always so stress... haiis... gtg leave school soon late for coaching alr... haiis... Laogong I Miss You so much!!!

Blogged at :

1:33:00 PM

Thursday, September 25, 2008

im on the verge of killing myself already... mum came back and saw me crying and there comes a whole lot of questions... quarrelled with eddie? got scolded? somebody came to find trouble with you? wth... stop bombing me with all that stupid questions which you know i will never answer... and thanks she got to add fuel to the fire by asking why didn't eddie pick you up from school today.... WOW! what a nice question to ask... that is obviously why i called her to fetch me and obviously why im crying!!!! are you stupid or what... while i was crying so badly boyfriend sms me... one of his sms was if you are angry with me that means you dun care that im sick, if you are not angry that means you are very understanding... so does it mean that if im angry im no understanding? YES. okay! nice one... i will always rmb this damn bloody sms... next time when im sick i dun want it to be like the last time when i go to his house... im not angry but just feel so fucked up... boyfriend if you are going to read this and you get angry with me i got nothing to say. today you feel like you are dying almost every other day i feel like im dying sia... whenever i step into school only i feel like im going to die alr... if everybody were to drive me nuts i think i will just jump off the building one day... im so sick and tired of my life... my dumb boyfriend is seriously dumb... told him that i got no mood to sms and i purposely said good night... bloody hell which day of the year do i go to bed so fucking early... and he actually replied the same thing... wtf... its obvious im sad why cant you find for something to talk to me about???!!! the reason why i was saying that was practically because i find that i totally got nothing to tell you or say to you cause of what happen today... den why cant you be more understanding towards me... for your information officially im not going to see you for 3 days. if you dunno why is it 3 i will tell you why... today is 1, tmr i have coaching till late night and you most probably will be working and that will be 2, saturday you are definitely working that will be 3. WOW! isn't that so wonderful 3 days of not meeting each other... i think as you are reading this you are getting very angry but i dun care anymore thats the only way i can vent my anger and the only way for me to say out all my problems... and while im typing this im still crying very badly...

Blogged at :

8:48:00 PM

nobody ever keep their promise to me... say want to fetch me from school all never come... wth... if like that next time dun say and make me happy and after that ruin my mood can... im just so easily affected can... it just make me so miserable can... walking and crying definitely dun look nice... boyfriend was like that but he was sick so i got nothing to say... mum say until so nice want to come and fetch me in the end ask me go yishun to meet her.... wth... if i need to go there just for you to fetch me home den i might as well go home myself... and say want to come and fetc h me pls do it dun say and never... den say for what FUCK... dun waste saliva waste energy waste phone bill and electricity lar... den like that ruin my day like nobody business... ya cause nobody care for me... WHATEVER. promise to come and fetch me den never come... pls la... people dun make empty promises to me if not when i attitude all angry with me... if i was the one who say that im going to meet you and last minute say i dun wan to go for boyfriend or mum both of you confirm is attitude de lor... so what expect me to be so nice den you all like that... wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!! boyfriend like to ask me to go home early... now im home early but who is at home??? NOBODY!!! only me... for what i come home so early and face the laptop crying... hate everything around me now!!! now i post this and afterwards there will be people who is angry with me... whatever. *Claire decided not to answer calls or reply sms today cause she is just so hurt.

Labels: BAD BAD DAY

Blogged at :

7:21:00 PM

thought boyfriend will come to school and fetch me but he never cause he is not feeling well... want to be angry also cannot... sian... also dunno i go to school for what sia.. waste my time nia... doing presentation is all the way sian de lor... expressionless... almost cried while doing ppt but never.. if not will look so unglam... sucks sia... so lazy to do anything now... i want to go home and sleep... sibei sian ar...

Blogged at :

4:05:00 PM

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

from today onwards not going to meet my dear till maybe the next tuesday... sad... didn't feel like going to school today so called him to ask if i can meet him but he ask me to go to school... was dam angry can. he can actually sms me to tell me that i got to take care fo my attendance... pls lor i go to school or not i think my attendance still the same bah... wth. haiis... im so dam pissed off until i took a pen and started scratching my wrist... sad never bleed... i just want to see him so badly. shall update my blog again tonight if i have the time...

Blogged at :

9:16:00 AM

Thursday, September 18, 2008

my mood is definitely not going to get any better... im still so pissed off... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i might just kill myself!!!! hahah.... even after school im still so depressed!!! didn't go to where i planned to go before i ended school... decided to take a bus back to bedok and probably go to eddie's house... but even on the way back it sucks!!!! fell asleep while waiting for bus and the person next to me got to wake me up which make me look so dumb!!!! omg!!! on the way back the journey was bloody damn long!!!! i will not and will never take a bus home after school if im alone! if all my friends are not in school i will not go to school too... what stupid shit did i do to go and listen to somebody and stayed in school to make my day worse... wtf!!!!! wanted to go to his house to meet him but send him an sms his reply was sleeping really tired. den forget it. if i were to go he got to fetch me and i dunno what time will that be and i got damn school again tmr!!!!! since you are tired i will let you sleep till you are not feeling tired den ask me to meet you... cause currently i dun have enough rest and im fucking pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!! whats the point of meeting you when im so pissed off den after you get angry with me cause i show you attitude... but anyway it doesnt make any difference cause you are alr pissed off with me i suppose... WHATEVER... im alr very pissed off and you just can't be a bit nicer to me... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so depressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kns... tmd... ccb... fcb... knn... wth... wtf... argh!!!!!!

Labels: its still an obsession, love me or hate me

Blogged at :

2:39:00 PM

one day three post... whoa...

to boyfriend: dear sorry for sending you a reply which is so attitude... im seriously sorry. im just too tired already... and by reading this i know you would be more angry because of the paragraph above. im not saying that you are not good and i didnt praise you... but in my heart you are always the best to me de kaes... don't get it wrong... the person i was trying to say is just my friend. i dun wan later you read le unhappy or sad. i still love you de... i felt bad for showing you attitude and from the start i alr told you not to talk to me cause i will pissed you off but you insist that you want to talk to me and that you wouldnt be angry... end up you are still angry with me... haiis... dear ar dear... next time i attitude you better stay away from me la if not you will get angry again... haiis... anyway dear sorry kaes. i will try to change my attitude de. lao po ai ni~! Muacks~!

Labels: its still an obsession, love me or hate me

Blogged at :

2:39:00 PM

PISSED OFF!!!!!
firstly didnt update my blog ytd night cause i was too damn tired to do so... and i am very lazy...
secondly i dun understand why *.... is so stupid... i was so trying to be sacarstic but somehow the person just dun get it... freaking pissing me off... the reason why i dun tell anybody or say anything was because i seriously think that person wouldn't be bothered even if i said it out... damn! do i have to tell you everything to let you know what im thinking of??? why can't you interpret it yourself???!!! argh!!! not in the freaking mood to do anything today cause im just so so so so so pissed off and that feeling is so difficult for me to describe... and even if i were to do anything i think i will go crazy going around throwing things cause i just freaking drop my phone on the floor but i didnt even bother... im so dam fucking pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *didnt tell you or say anything was because i dun want you to be angry with me i don't want you ot attitude me cause it will make me worse...
lastly, with my very bad mood today which is already enough for me to go crazy with... today's module problem is adding on to it... omg... it is so freaking difficult and i didnt understand almost every sentence... ask boyfriend if i can chabbot but the answer he gave was like can you stop tthinking of chabboting... my immediate reaction was like fine fucking stay in school and get more pissed off... argh!!!!!!!!!! didnt even try to understand why i want to chabbot... wt*... knn... kns... tmd... ccb... fcb... im so damn fucking pissed off!!! this feeling makes me feel so suffocated and feel like crying out loud... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! currently running away from everything will be a better choice...
*the news today: George actually left the class after first break-out.... haha.... im so amaze...

Labels: 1month 1day

Blogged at :

2:39:00 PM

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Happy 1 Month Anniversary!!!

me and my dear together for one month already... time past so fast... today never go to school cause im going out later... updating my blog at my baby's house and he is still sleeping... he is a piggy. got nothing to do but i also dun feel like sleeping so i might as well update my blog and also do a bit of shopping online... haha... gonna waste money again... plan to go to orchard later... the place where my dear baby don't like to go... haha... and im making him wear the shoe that he treasure so much that he wont want to wear... haha... baby shoe buy le dun keep and put as display take it out and wear it... if not its a waste of money lor.. haha... so happy later going to town lei... its been a long time since i been there... almost forget the place alr... cant wait to go there soon... shall go and wake baby up... haha... shall update my blog again at night....

Blogged at :

9:21:00 AM

Friday, September 12, 2008

in school but not in class...
got to leave the class early so i might as well dun go... sitting inside the library wasting time cause so early in the morning i also got no other place for me to go to... also can finish up the diary... however im not doing much and im feeling so freaking cold in this library... dunno why today eddie sms me i attitude him. dunno why but i just did it... argh... whats wrong with me... i miss him so much yet i attitude him... got to finish writing the diary and go to his house and apologize... today is a busy day for me... schedule is just so packed... got to go for CIS coaching and after that got coaching for open class Tampines and after that i got Crew Night... its pay day again but im just so shag alr... wondering where we are skating to today... hope it is not somewhere far away like from pasir ris to changi village... that makes me feel like we took yrs to reach there... its raining cats and dogs and im just wondering how i can leave the school... today just sucks... bad bad day...

Blogged at :

9:29:00 AM

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

what a bad day it is today... back to my hiding place again after so long. so much memories here and i guess only one person know about my hiding. a place that i would come when im sad or frustrated. second day of school... so boring, tiring, and pissed off!!! everything is not going the way i want it to be... argh... im so tired of my life. so tired of living in this world. i want everything that has been around me to be out of my life and my world. i want to be alone. i want to be left alone. i dun care if people were to hate me i just want to be alone! it just sucks when you are with friends and... so much problem will arise and sometimes you just can't solve the problem... im just so sick and tired of my life. feel like crying out loud and im in need for a shoulder to lean on but who can i find for??? i always thought i have a lot of friends but they are friends that i could hang out and have fun with but not friends that i could tell my problems to and lean on their shoulder to cry out loud... friends are so easy to find but to find true friends it is just so difficult... argh!!! im so pissed off with myself... could i just kill myself??? hahaha.... if i were to try it i think it will be fun... ok i think im crazy but i love the crazy me... im the way i am. take it or leave it.

Labels: its still an obsession, love me or hate me

Blogged at :

6:35:00 PM

its another day in school...
life is just so boring in class... nothing motivates me to work hard... nothing motivates me to participate in the class or in the group... i just can't be bothered or can't be any better in the class... i need something to motivate me!!! i feel like quitting school! argh... this is so not my class and not my type of friends that i want... i hate school! how i wish i can meet him now... seriously got no mood for presentation or any other thing... im so bored... so fucking bored... damn... just wondering why i have such a bad attitude which affects me in everything that i do... don't want to be like this but im just like that... this feeling just sucks. it makes me feels miserable and i might easily offend people around me... haiis... i feel so fucked up now... i need a rest... i want to stay away from everything and anything that i am doing or have now... im so tired of the life that i go through everyday... i want to run away!

Blogged at :

2:09:00 PM

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

New Class!!!
the first impression of my classmates when i step into the class is they are a bunch of very boring people... sad to say they can't be much compared to my previous class W35G... life in my previous class is just way too fun and they are all jokers that we can really mix around with... i miss W35G badly and hope so much that i didn't have to change class... argh... im pissed off. can't wait for school to end and im going to walk out of scool at the pace almost like how i run cause i can't stand the class... its just too boring... sian in school and i got nobody to talk to... my dear still sleeping, call him never answer... i think he too tired until he dunno that his phone is ringing le... this few days must wake up in the morning come meet me... so poor thing lei... haha... dear how i wish school haven't started yet cause i really dun have the school mood... haiis... i can foresee what will happen to me for the next 7 weeks... i definitely can't survive and will always chabbot school... hahas... i dun wan and have no interest to come anymore... this just sucks like shit... dear be prepared to open the door for me in the morning in the next seven weeks cause i will go to your house and seek help there... haha...

money money money....
haven't get my pay but i already have a whole list of things that i want to buy... damn it... but what i really need now is a bloody hp pouch... my phone is having more and more scratches and i think disfigured by me... haven't been taking good care of my phone... freak!!! made up my mind im going to buy a hp pouch by today... i hope so... im too busy to go to a place and buy things... weekdays is school, work and boyfriend and sometimes friend... weekends is work, boyfriend and skating... haiis... im so busy... or rather im making myself busy just to runaway from things that i dun want to face or i dun dare to face... haiis...

im so stress!!!!!

Blogged at :

10:37:00 AM

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

went to Vivo City today with my darling bf and since we had nothing to do i drag him to sentosa with me... haha... his reaction was so cute cause the day was so hot that he was grumbling... my dear really cannot take heat sia... den we walk around in sentosa and went back to vivo... bo liao lor... haha... den while we were deciding what to eat i really cant make up my mind what i want. in the end went to the food court and eat hokkien mee... so much for thinking and considering what i want to eat and still discussing it... after eating really got no place to go so we went back to his house and slack... after that he accompanied me back home and we went to my house downstairs the market to eat again... with him only know how to eat... die la... confirm become fat de... haha... my mum came to meet us at the market instantly i sian lor... always like that she destroy my day... haiis... when we go back home i let her go home first while i go and collect the letters and we still slack downstairs my house... haha... almost everyday we slack and talk at the void deck... dear ar i really love you more and more as day passed... haiis got to go sleep before my dear gets angry with me ler. P.S Dear today really very happy cause didnt expect you to go to Vivo City with me. Thanks Dear! Love You! Muacks!

Blogged at :

12:23:00 AM

Monday, September 1, 2008

Dear! sorry i look at your sent items den i know what you thinking of... i didn't know that you actually worried i will treat you like how i treat the other person... Dear i give you my promise kaes. i will be very nice to you de. and i wont treat you like how i treat him de... i wont make you unhappy or sad le kaes. dear sorry till now den i realise what is your trouble about. i didnt know that when you with me you will think of that problem.. Dear im sorry. i promise you i will treat you nice de and i wont be playful kaes.

Blogged at :

12:55:00 PM