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Saturday, November 29, 2008

sent baby a very long msg ytd night and he replied one very long sms this morning... one part of the msg he told me that we shouldn't contact or meet for a few days... after reading his whole msg i couldn't get back to sleep and i kept on crying... i stopped crying for a while and calm myself down and i decided to reply one last msg to baby... while replying the msg i started crying again and i had a very strong feeling that after this msg i will not get to talk to baby again... i am so scared that i will not get to see him and talk to him anymore... i miss hugging baby... i feel so stupid... all the while i made him angry and made myself angry was because of one question that i asked him... i already know what the answer would be and yet i still went to ask... i seemed to be fine after asking that question but i clearly know that the answer affected me a lot thats why i reacted in this way... mummy told me sometimes you know the answer le than don't go and ask to know the truth... if you never ask and you don't know the answer you will just assume that you are wrong... so what if you know the truth, end up you will only get yourself hurt... i know what mummy say was right but it was already too late... i have already asked that question and baby have already answered... i know the answer thats why i became like that... why... why am i always so screwed up... how i wish i had not ask baby the question so we wouldn't be like that now... argh i always do something and when i get myself hurt i would regret... i am such an idiot...

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10:47:00 AM